Learning to live together
A year ago, I published a post called “Learning to live together“. Reading over this post now, I realize that we’re actually still learning. But, the good thing is, we ARE still learning. The more we learn to have true fellowship with one another, the more we learn to have true fellowship with God. The more we learn to have true fellowship with God, the more we learn to have true fellowship with one another.
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A few months ago, I wrote an article for “Life in the Journey” called “Walking through difficulty… together“. In that post, I primarily was thanking God for the many brothers and sisters that he has placed in our lives, and acknowledging that I need these people in my life to help me walk with God. God places us together to live together, in both the good times and the bad times, to rejoice with one another and to mourn with one another, to encourage and to comfort.
Over the last few weeks especially, we’ve seen more and more friends struggling through life. It seems, in fact, that the number of struggles has increased exponentially over the last few months and years. As I think about these struggles and the seeming increase of struggles, I wonder if the increase is real, or if I simply know about more of the struggles because there are more people who have chosen to share their lives with us.
In reality, I realize that over the last couple of years especially, my family has begun to learn what it means to live together with other people. This means that we are learning not only to bear the other person’s burden, but also to share our own burdens. I think, sometimes, sharing my burdens is more difficult than helping someone else bear their burden. But, both – give and take – is important and necessary as we learn to live in community with one another – with Jesus Christ as the one who creates and maintains our fellowship, with him alone being our common identity.
I said, “My family has begun to learn what it means to live together with other people”. I want to say that we HAVE learned, but that would not be true. This process is ongoing, and since we are not complete yet, we have a long way to go and much more to learn. We are still learning to trust and to be trustworthy, to care and to allow others to care, to speak and to listen, to accept and to be real/authentic, to give grace and to accept grace, and most of all, to hope and to offer hope to others.
Since we are still learning, we are also still making mistakes. And, since our brothers and sisters are not perfect yet either – sorry to burst your bubble – they make mistakes as well. Besides being hurt by life, we hurt one another. Thus, forgiveness must be a huge part of learning to live together. Of course, this includes asking for forgiveness and offering forgiveness. We who have been given much, who have been forgiven greatly, and who have been loved unconditionally give, forgive, and love others in response… imperfectly though.
So, as our friends struggle with sickness, death, relationship problems, financial problems, job issues, emotional stresses, etc. and as our family struggles with the same issues, we learn to live together, in spite of these struggles and through these struggles. We learn to depend upon God as we depend upon one another. We learn that God cares as we see others care. As we give and receive, offer and accept, in strength and in weakness, we learn to live together… living the life of a traveller, yearning for our true home, rejoicing in the fellow travellers that God places in our path.
Self-Serving or Other-Serving
I love it when my friends – that is, people that I know “in real life” – write blog posts that express something that I’ve heard them talk about personally. Matthew at “The Journey” recently did this in a post called “The Art of Seeking One’s Self“.
Matthew begins by sharing a story that happened at his work. He shared this story with the church, and how God used this circumstance to convict him of his own self-centeredness. In his blog post, Matthew writes:
Of course, this is no isolated incident. I usually hide it a little better though. That’s why I titled this the art of self-seeking. Because that’s what I’ve honed it to, an art form. I can be selfish while making it seem like I’m not. I can serve my own needs while seeming to serve others. Now this isn’t always the case, many times I have genuinely served others with no gain to myself. But have I gone out of my way to do this? Have I searched for opportunities? Have I genuinely loved my neighbor more than myself?
What great questions to ask of ourselves! Are we actually serving others, or are we simply serving ourselves? Are we seeking the best for others, or are we seeking the best for ourselves?
I’m so excited that God has placed me among people like Matthew – people who are willing to share their lives with their friends and with the world.
Bubble or Cocoon
Mark at “the untried” published a very good post last week called “The Church of the Christian Cocoon“. He writes about being a “good Christian” according to the predominant Christian culture in the US. But, what about to those who need to know Christ? Mark writes:
The list could be endless. The point is I have come to realize that when I was fully immersed in the Christian culture I did all the right things to be considered a model Christian within that culture. I followed all the rules, regulations, legalisms, doctrines, and creeds as well as anyone I knew. I played the game. Yet, when I ask one simple question it all crumbles around me.
Did those who needed Christ the most see him in me?
The answer to that is unfortunately a resounding no. Those in my circle patted me on the back. To them I was a good Christian. I was living my life for God. But was I really? Sadly, the answer to that question is no also. My life rarely touched anyone for Christ that did not already call themselves a Christian.
There is a problem when a believer’s life rarely touches the life of an unbeliever. I wrote about this in a few posts last year. But, I called the phenomenon living in a “Christian bubble”:
Bursting the Christian Bubble
Reaching Beyond the Bubble
Bursting the Christian Bubble: update 1
Whether you call it a cocoon or a bubble, God does not call his children to huddle together apart from the world. He calls us to be in the world even though we are not of the world. In the last year especially, God has been teaching us to step out of our bubble.
Are living in a Christian cocoon or a Christian bubble? Get out! You won’t find your calling or purpose inside that bubble!
Advent 1 – Waiting WITH Jesus
Today is the first Sunday of Advent. Advent (from adventus, Latin for “coming”) marks the time when the church thinks about the first coming of Jesus Christ as a baby in Bethlehem, and also thinks about the second coming of Jesus Christ in the end times. The focus today is “waiting expectantly”.
The Jews waited expectantly for their Messiah. This expectation is exemplified in Anna and Simeon who rejoiced when they met Jesus as a baby in Jerusalem. Similarly, Christians are told to wait expectantly for the second coming of Christ. We are to live as if that coming could be any moment.
But, apart from the past coming and the future coming – both of which are very important – how should followers of Jesus Christ live in light of the present coming of Jesus? Present coming, you may ask? Yes. While Jesus left this earth physically, he sent his Spirit. In fact, he said that it was better for us to have his Spirit than to have him physically present.
Thus, Jesus is physically present in the Spirit of God who indwells every believer. Jesus came in the past, and he is coming in the future. But, he also comes today. How do we wait expectantly in light of his present coming and future coming?
This is what Paul wrote to Titus:
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. (Titus 2:11-14 ESV)
As we wait for the future, physical coming of Jesus Christ, we wait in the reality of his present, spiritual coming – that is, his presence with us – as Immanuel. But, we do not wait idly. In fact, in light of both his presence and his future coming, we wait with a purpose and a mission.
First, we are to mature in holiness – renouncing ungodliness and worldly passions, and living self-controlled, upright, and godly lives. Second we are to be enthusiastic in our service of other people (zealous for good works). Each of these (holiness and good works) are impossible apart from the real presence of Jesus Christ.
As we wait for Jesus’ future coming, we do not waith alone. No, instead we wait with Jesus. And, we do not wait idly, as if there is nothing more for us here. No, instead we wait with purpose and mission, seeking to submit to the Spirit and to one another in order to mature in both holiness and service.
How are you waiting WITH Jesus?
Pastor of a Restaurant?
A friend called Friday morning and asked if I would be willing to pick him up at the airport. Of course, I was willing, and I enjoyed the time we had together as I drove him from the airport to the restaurant where he works.
As we drove, we talked about several things – Thanksgiving, family, school, etc. At one point I asked him what God was doing in his life. He said he didn’t understand why it was taking him so long to get through school, but that lately he was thinking that when he graduated he would try to attend a culinary school with plans to open a restaurant.
How exciting! He doesn’t just want to open a restaurant so that he can make money, even though he is excited about food and creating new restaurants. He’s interested in giving people an atmosphere where they can meet together and try new food.
You see, my friend is a student at a seminary. But, he’s not planning to be employed by a church organization. He’s willing to learn a skill so that he can support himself and his family, and that gives him a chance to serve others. I can’t wait to see how God uses this young man!
Listening, Learning, Serving
About a year and a half ago, I wrote a post called “Listening, learning, serving“. The purpose of this post was to encourage believers to listen and learn from people before they jump in and try to serve them. As I’ve learned to do this, I’ve heard time and time again from people, “Usually when people come to our neighborhood to help, they do things that don’t really help us.” Are you willing to spend the time to get to know people and then serve them in ways that actually help?
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I’ve had an ongoing conversation over the last few days with my wife, Margaret, and a good friend of ours (Theron from “Sharing in the Life“). Actually, for me, the conversation started a couple of days before that when another friend of ours made a comment about some ladies that we have not seen lately, whom we have tried to serve, but for some reason, we have failed to serve them. This comment led to our continuing conversation about service – particularly about serving people who are different from us: people from different cultures, different ages (generations), different beliefs, etc.
Theron and I began talking about serving people from foreign cultures: specifically, how would we serve people if we lived in a foreign culture? I realize that many people who read this blog deal with this question (and similar questions) every day of their life. Theron suggested that before we could serve someone, we would have to know how to serve them. In other words, in different cultures service may be different (and probably is) than service in our own culture. Thus, it would be necessary to listen to people and to know them before we could truly serve them in ways that matter to them – in ways that impact their lives. Certainly, this does not mean that we should sit around doing nothing, but there is a learning process before serving becomes as effective as it could be. Also, I would never remove the important role of the Holy Spirit in this. The Spirit certainly leads us to serve people in ways that we may not understand, but in ways that may be extremely important to the ones being served.
The necessity of the process of learning to serve others is fairly obvious when serving people in foreign cultures. But, what about people in our own culture that may be from a different generation or have a different set of beliefs or even from a different background. Could it be that we miss opportunities to serve – and at others times offend people when we attempt to serve them – because we do not listen and learn about them before we begin to serve? We have attempted to serve some people who are older than us recently, without much success. Why? Because I don’t think we knew them enough to know how to serve them. Why didn’t we know them? We didn’t begin by listening to them.
Margaret reminded me that a few years ago, when we lived in another state, we were able to successfully serve some older ladies. We would spend time with them in their homes, listening to their stories, sharing tea and snacks. When she reminded me of this, I immediately thought, “That’s not serving! That’s just hanging out!” Of course, this is exactly the point of my post. To me, spending time talking with these ladies was just hanging out, but to them, it was serving them. We demonstrated our love for them by spending time with them. I viewed service differently than they did. They viewed service differently than me.
If I spent all of my time, energy, and resources serving them in the way that I wanted to be served, then I would have wasted much of that time, energy, and resources. Why? Because they were served by us being with them, not by us doing things for them.
I began to think about my son and daughter. In a few years, they will be living on their own. I wonder, what will they consider service? How will they serve others and how will others their age want to be served? What about the men and women who are several years younger than me today? What do they consider service?
Similarly, many times we try to serve people the way other Christians want to be served. But, what if our neighbors are not followers of Christ? What if our coworkers are not Christians? Do we serve them in the same way that we would serve Christians that we know? Or, should we actually spend time listening to them and getting to know them, so that we will know how to serve them?
I realize that this is obvious to many people. However, for those of us who are learning what it means to serve people who are different than us, then this may be something that we need to consider and contemplate. I know that my family is learning to serve others – especially those outside the body of Christ. We are thinking about what it means to serve and love those who are of a different ethnicity or cultural background, those from a different economic class, or even those with different beliefs. We want to provide a cup of cold water in a way that benefits them the most – not in ways that benefit us the most.
So, as we serve others, we must begin by listening to them and learning from them. We must get to know them. Then, we can serve them as God leads us and strengthens us – we can serve them in a way that brings God glory.
Salaam and a cookie
Saturday evening, Margaret and I were returning home from an afternoon shopping trip. We had planned to buy something for dinner at the grocery store, but we realized that we forgot to do that. So, we decided to stop by a local Subway shop for $5 subs.
The man behind the counter took our order and fixed our sandwiches quickly. As we were checking out, I noticed his accent. I LOVE accents, and I love learning about people. So, I said to the man, “I don’t mean to be rude, but can I ask where you’re from?”
Apparently, he didn’t think I was being rude at all. He smiled and said, “Lebanon”.
I smiled back and said, “Salaam”, which is a generic Arabic greeting, like “hello” or “greetings”.
He smiled even bigger and we talked for few minutes about Lebanon and other Lebanese people in the area. I’ve met a few from local restaurants.
As we were about to leave, he stopped us and gave us three cookies.
It is amazing how much people will talk about themselves if you are interested and take the time to listen. I often talk to people – especially people with accents. I love languages, but I also love to hear people talk about themselves and their home countries. I’ve also found that people like to talk about themselves.
I’ve learned how to say “hello” in many different languages just by asking people where they were from. Of course, this means that I have to stop thinking about myself, and think about other people – which is hard to do. I’ve been taught (along with most people in the US) to consider myself and my own interests first. I’ve been taught to use other people to get the things that I want or that I need.
But, somehow, God has changed me. I no longer think about myself (well, not all the time). I often find myself wondering about the person behind the counter, or in line next to me, or taking my order, or next door. And, when I find myself wondering, I try to stop and ask them about themselves.
People’s demeanor (often) changes completely when you ask them about themselves. They become much more open to sharing and listening… especially when I listen first. But, this is something that is not natural for me. It is something that I’m learning, I think, through the work of the Spirit in my life.
I enjoyed sharing a cookie with Margaret on the way home. I enjoyed seeing the kids’ excitement when we gave them their cookies. But, more than that, I enjoyed learning more about the man behind the counter at Subway, and learning more about Lebanon and the Arabic language. I’m going to look for him the next time I stop at Subway.
If the family were a church
One of the most common scriptural metaphors for the church is “family”. In fact, the “metaphor” is so prevalent that it probably isn’t a metaphor at all. In other words, we truly are brothers and sisters in Christ. However, the church rarely acts like a family.
But, what would happen if we turned the picture around? Instead of encouraging the church to act like a family, what would happen if the family acted like a church?
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Two young men walked in the den where grandma was watching her “stories”. They shuffled their feet, made small talk, but finally got down to business.
“Grandma, we’ve all talked about it, and we don’t think you’re doing your job the way you once did – the way we need you to,” the first man started.
“What do you mean, son?” the older lady asked, trying to see the TV around the two men.
“Well, you can’t cook or clean anymore. You don’t tell us stories of the old days. We haven’t heard any wisdom from you in a long time. You usually just watch television and sleep. We’re going to have to let you go,” the second man said.
Grandma hung her head. “I realize that I’m getting older and can’t carry out my duties that I once did. Will you at least give me a few weeks to find a new family?”
“We’ll give you two weeks and a good recommendation. I’m sure that God is calling you to a good older family out there somewhere,” her son said.
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“Hey, Sis!” the lady said as she walked through the open door.
“Hi, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” her older sister asked as she closed the front door behind her.
The younger lady found a place on an overstuffed sofa and replied, “Well, we heard that you gave birth, and we wanted to see the new baby.”
As the older sister brought in coffee, she looked around the room. “I don’t think the baby is here.”
“What do you mean?” her sister asked as she sipped her coffee.
“Well, I’m not very good at raising kids. I just give birth to them and let someone else raise them. In fact, that baby is probably still at the hospital.”
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The parents brought dinner into the dining room for the family. The dining room was immaculate, with heavy drapes, carved furniture, silver place settings, and a crystal chandelier hanging over the middle of the table.
Father prayed an elaborate prayer and set the food down for each family member: a small piece of bread and a sip of juice.
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“This is very difficult for me to say,” Father began with tears filling his eyes. “Do you all remember the people that visited us a few weeks ago?”
The family members nodded as the looked around, trying to discern what Father’s important announcement might be about.
“Well, those visitors were actually a Father Search Committee from another family. They believe that God is calling me to be their Father. After much tearful prayer, I agree. So, in two weeks I’ll be leaving this family to become the Father of their family. Don’t worry. I know that this is all in God’s plan, and I’m certain that God will provide another Father for this family.”
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I suppose I could go on, but I think you get my point. If the church is really a family, then the church would not act like it does towards one another.
So, we should ask ourselves, “Are we not living according to our nature? Or, are we living according to our nature?”
Name it and Claim it
Not long ago, a friend of mine was asked to preach for his church. Our family decided to meet with his church in order to encourage him and to meet some of the people in his church. Our friend did a great job teaching Scripture and challenging the church toward obedience. I was disappointed that very few people talked to us. I met the pastor and one or two other people, but that’s all. But, I know that it’s a friendly church. It says so on their bulletin.
A few weeks ago, I was talking with a student about the missional church. He had been reading about missional and asked me what I thought. For the most part, I simply listened as he explained how important he thought it was for the church to be active in its community, sharing the love of Christ in deed and in word. I asked him how he and his family were serving their community. He explained that he did not have time to do anything right now, but that he had decided that he was missional.
I remember talking with one of my more reformed friends recently about the sovereignty of God. My friend was convinced that God was in control and that everything happened according to his plans. My friend even suggested that the church should stress the sovereignty of God more – in singing, in preaching, in praying… all the time. He then told me that he was very worried about his work situation. He thought he might be laid off, and he didn’t know how he would be able to take care of his family.
I had an interesting discussion recently with someone who believes in “closed communion”. According to this belief, only people who are part of a specific local church should take the Lord’s Supper with that local church. I asked him why and he said that we should know the people with whom we take communion so that we can confront them if they are living in unrepentant sin. I asked him if he knew everyone that was part of his megachurch.
We often think that if we give ourselves a label, then that label accurately describes who we really are. In fact, the way we live demonstrates who we really are – and whose we really are – better than any label.
If we do not warmly greet people and try to get to know them, then we are not “friendly”. If we are not actively serving the people around us, then we are not “missional”. If we become anxious over everything that happens to us, then we don’t really believe that God is sovereign. If we gladly take the Lord’s Supper with thousands of people, then we are not really for closed communion.
If we do not truly demonstrate the love and grace of God to others, then we do not really believe that God is loving and gracious. We can wear any kind of label that we want, but that label means nothing unless our life demonstrates it.
Autumn Leaves and the Church
Last year, I wrote a post called “Autumn Leaves and the Church” which compared the church with the beautiful colors of the fall. I should have posted this earlier in the year this year, because of the colors have faded by now. However, if you look around you and see oranges, and reds, and yellows, and browns, and greens on the trees, think about how God has placed different people in the church for your benefit. It is in the differences that we find the beauty and unity of Christ’s body.
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I love autumn. I love it when the weather starts getting cooler, and I can start wearing boots and long sleeve shirts and sweaters and sweatshirts. I love watching college football on Saturday mornings (yes, I know that college football now starts during the summer, but I like it best during the fall). I love having a fire in the fireplace, especially at night when the only light comes from the fire itself.
But, most of all, I love watching the leaves change colors. Here in North Carolina, autumn is especially beautiful. My drive to work each morning and back home each afternoon is very calming and soothing and a joy for the eyes. Yesterday morning, as I was driving to work, I saw a patch of three or four trees, all of which had bright yellow leaves. It seemed as if the sun was shining only on those trees, but in reality, the yellow leaves simply stood out vividly among the browns, reds, and greens of the surrounding trees. From my office window at work, I can look out in the distance and see a large tree with bright orange leaves that stands out clearly against the trees behind it.
As I have been thinking about these leaves, I realize that it is not simply the vividness of the individual colors that makes the scene so beautifully. I mean, yes, the yellow leaves beside the road, or the orange leaves out the window, or the bright red leaves – another favorite – of some trees stand out. But, these colors only stand out because they are surrounded by other colors – colors that may not be as bright, but are important nonetheless. In fact, I think these other leaves actually make the vivid leaves more beautiful.
Consider, for instance, seeing a patch of trees all of which have the same color leaves, with no other colors around them. Perhaps all the leaves are yellow, all the leaves are red, all the leaves are orange. Would this be beautiful? Yes, but there would be something missing. There is beauty in the vivid colors themselves, but that beauty is enhanced by the contrast of the leaves of other colors, much as the sound of one instrument is enhanced when it is part of an orchestra.
As I was thinking about autumn colors, I was reminded how this resembles the church. The church is made of a myriad of people with different perspectives, different emphases, different voices, different gifts, but all from God. In fact, God places the people together in the manner that pleases him. If God has placed us together, then we should take the time to observe and listen to each other.
There are certain voices that I like to hear. There are certain types of service that I like to participate in. There are certain emphases and preferences that I share. But, if I only listen to and respond to those who share my concerns and preferences and likes, then I am missing the beauty of the church – much like I would miss the beauty of the autumn colors if all of the trees of the forest had yellow leaves.
There are some within the church who prefer to focus on evangelism – I need to hear from these people. There are others within the church who would rather emphasize the sovereignty of God – I need to hear their voices also. Some other people in the church usually discuss serving others – I need to hear what they have to say. Still others within the church consistently speak of community – I need to hear them.
Like a forest in autumn with a myriad of colors, or an orchestra with many different instruments all playing together, God has placed people in my life and in your life because we need to hear them and they need to hear us. We need one another. Take the time today to notice the many different colors in the trees around you. Then ask yourself, “Am I listening to the different voices, or am I only listening to the voices who are saying the same things that I say?”