Do you really care about people?
Do you really care about people? You remember when Jesus said something about loving others (and then Paul, Peter, James, John, and others picked up on that theme in their writings)? Well, it seems kinda obvious, but you can’t love others if you don’t care about them.
A few days ago, Randy at “Bible Study Geek” (his subtitle ‘Nerd Groks Word’ always makes me smile) published a post called “People.” Although his post is about relationship problems, it really comes down to caring about people.
He wrote (in part):
You get close enough to someone and eventually you will disappoint him and he will disappoint you. The disappointment can be handled in several ways, but it will always be there and it will never go away. It will affect your relationship.
I have disappointed my wife so often that I’m embarrassed to still be alive. She–a woman of great grace–has forgiven me and she loves me with a hunka burning love. But in certain situations, she doesn’t quite trust me because I have proven that I am not totally trustworthy. Even if my record is good for the last several years, there is a certain level of distrust remaining. That’s my fault, not hers.
That’s just one example.
I have a long string of victims in my wake. Like a Palm Sunday tornado, I’ve left strong trees toppled along my path of destruction. I wish I could stand those trees back up, but I don’t know how.
Like Randy, we all have “left strong treest toppled along [our] path of destruction.” It’s true… all of us. And, of course, we’ve all been hurt as well. For some, the hurt goes deeper than others, but everyone has been hurt by someone else.
And, like I said, the hurt often (if not always) begins because we really don’t care about other people – or, at least, we care about them less than we care about ourselves.
Around the same time that I was thinking about this, a friend of mine left the following on Facebook:
About two weeks ago I determined to do the following: Be more present, interested, and attentive to others – and – to look at people as having a sign hung around their neck that says: Please listen to me and value me. I am already seeing this bear fruit in my life and believe me it does not just benefit the people with whom I interact with—it has benefitted me more than you can imagine. Can you think of the benefits that would come from interacting in such a way with people you come in contact with? How does it benefit others… how would it benefit you?
Do you see what he’s doing? He’s reminding himself that others are important. If we remember that other people are important, then we’ll begin to care about them.
Do you listen to people? Do you value them? How do you show it?
I think these are good questions to ask ourselves. But, for now, I’ll close with the questions that my friend asked on Facebook:
If you started looking at people as having a sign around their neck that says, “Please listen to me and value me,” what benefits would come from interacting with people in that way? How would it benefit other people? How would it benefit you?
Tune in at 10:00 for Fellowship
Christopher from “Life With Da Man CD” has hit the nail on the head with his post “The Question of Fellowship.” (By the way, Christopher, being from the other side of the pond, you may not understand good English. Here, “hitting the nail on the head” means you wrote something just right.) 🙂
As you might guess from his title, Christopher’s post is about fellowship… you know, that word in the Bible that, when realized, makes our life full of people and their messes and disorder and love and laughter and tears and joy and pain and blood and sweat and tears. It’s the stuff we have with one another and with Jesus Christ when we truly get to know each other (including Jesus). (1 John 1:3)
So, Christopher says that when we get together with our brothers and sisters in Christ, fellowship is very important. He writes:
The experience of sitting in a seat (standing at the appropriate bits) as part of row of other people sitting in seats (standing at the appropriate bits), and looking up at a group leading singing and then some dude or dudette talking at me, before being dismissed seems to miss this purpose pretty significantly.
Am I edified by seeing the bulk of the work of it done by a group of others? Well, actually, yes. Yes I am. The songs can be moving and uplifting. What the dudette has to say can be stirring and stimulate the passion for following Jesus Christ. I am edified. But … and here’s the thing … I can get all that at home. I can. I do, often.
The aspect then of MUTUAL edification and fellowship requires a lot more engagement and interaction than a lot of experiences provide. And just because it’s the way it has always been done, and just because attendance is the measure of spiritual commitment in some places, that does not mean we’re living any better lives as a community through these experiences.
As you think about Christopher’s words above, let me add this. Most of us would agree that we can’t just listen to the radio and get what we need to grow and mature in Christ (even if the radio preacher is right and good and godly). Similarly, most of us would also agree that we can’t just watch a great preacher on TV and get what we need to grow and mature in Christ (even if all that stuff I said about the radio preacher). Again, most of us would agree that we can’t get what we need to grow and mature in Christ by listening to a great podcast on the internet (even if all that other stuff).
So, why do so many feel that they can get what they need by listening to someone else in person? It doesn’t work that way. That’s not the way that God designed us to work, and it’s not the way that God works in and through us.
Like Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:16, if we want to grow in unity and faith and maturity, then it takes the whole body (the WHOLE body) working together. Period.
That’s not something you can “phone in” or “tune in” or “sit and watch.” And, it’s not something that you can get someone else to do for you.
un-loving one another
Believe it or not, the “one another” chain blog is still going strong – although it has slowed down slightly.
The “one another” chain blog started over two months ago with my post “Chain blog: One Another.” Since then, 17 bloggers have written 21 posts on the topic of “one another.”
If you’re interested, I’ve linked to and provided a short blurb for each “link” in the chain in my post called “Blog with One Another: A Chain Blog Update.” (I keep that post updated as new links are added to the chain blog.)
The posts in the chain blog have covered many different aspects of the various “one another” passages in Scripture. Some of them have been more theoretical and some have been more practical. Of course, all of them are practical, because living for “one another” is extremely practical.
I want to highlight the last two posts in the chain, because they focus on “un-loving one another” or choosing who to love.
First, there’s Dan’s post “love: a ‘one another’ comic.” As the title indicates, Dan’s post is actually a comic. Who do we love? Do we get to choose who to love? If so, then “love one another” is quite doable. But, if we don’t get to choose who to love, then “love one another” becomes absolutely impossible… at lest it’s humanly impossible.
Then, there’s the latest post in the chain blog. It was written by Rob, and it’s called “I Can Only Love You If…” After asking us to consider who we love, Rob says:
You might be thinking, “Shucks, that’s a high standard! Only God can be like that!” Exactly, the unconditional love for one another in the body of Christ and for people in the world can only come from God. It’s the fruit of the Spirit.
Yes, that’s the point, isn’t it!
If you haven’t yet, I hope you’ll read the various posts in the chain blog. Like I said, there are some really good posts there.
And, while you’re at it, why not write the next link post in the chain? Just jump over the last post and leave a comment saying that you’re going to write another post in the chain.
But, aren’t the kids a distraction when the church gathers?
Last week, Gavin at “Simple Church Alliance” wrote a great post called “What About The Kids?” Whenever people think about more organice or simple types of church gatherings, they often (eventually) ask the question, “But what do you do with the children?”
The assumption, of course, is that we gather as the church in order to sing together and to listen to someone preach a sermon. If this is the case, then a loud child or a crying baby can be a distraction. If a toddler next to me is moving around, then I may not be paying attention to the words that are being sung. If a baby near me cries, then I may not be able to hear the speaker.
Gavin suggests that children should not be seen as a distraction, but should instead be involved in the church gathering. He provides several suggestions that he’s seen practiced over the last several years, including:
Pray & Prepare
Get A Sitter
Music
Skits
Listening To God
One Anothers
Dance
Kids Focus
Please click over to Gavin’s post for a longer list, and for a description of each item in his list.
Often, children gather with us on Sundays – not to mention the times we get together throughout the week. There are newborns, toddlers, younger children, older children, teenagers… almost every age group.
Guess what? Children are often loud, talkative, fussy, etc. And, I’m talking about well-behaved children. That’s the way children are.
So, what do we do when children “disrupt” our gathering or are a “distraction”? Well, first, we recognize that the children are not a disruption and they are not a distraction. They are children, and they are part of our families. They are welcomed in our gathering – talking, crying, fussing, and all.
That attitude alone solves most of the problems. If we’re honest with ourselves, children are seen as a disruption or a distraction because WE are not able to do what WE want to do because of them. In other words, WE can’t hear, or WE can’t sing, or WE can’t pay attention. In other words, we’re centered on ourselves and our desires. When those desires are not met because of talkative or crying children, we see them as a distraction.
But, think about what would happen if, instead of focusing on us and our desires, we focused on others – including the children (and their parents)?
There are so many different options when a child becomes “disruptive”… play with them… walk with them… color with them… Yes, we love coloring books, stickers, blocks, puzzle. And, yes, we sit right there in the floor with them in the middle of everyone else (or off to the side if there’s room).
Not only do the children understand that they are important, but the parents also understand how much we love them.
I’ve found many times that my worship in a church gathering consisted of sitting in the floor and putting stickers on a piece of paper with a few children. In doing that, I was obeying what God was calling me to do, and I was loving others. What could be better?
The church as a team of player-coaches
As I was thinking about my post yesterday (see “How specialization harms the church“), I also thought about how my understanding of the church had changed over the last few years.
I remember when I once saw the church as a team with a coach (or coaches). The coach(es) trained the players, helped them learn their roles, then sent them out to play. Of course, in this view, the leaders among the church are the coaches while everyone one else is a player.
Later, my view changed slightly. I began to realize that among the church the coaches were also players. They still played an important role, but they were not just coaches; they were player-coaches. Of course, in this view, there was still a distinction between leaders (who were now player-coaches, not just coaches) and everyone else (who were still players).
Now, though, I see the church in an even different light. All are players and all are coaches. Yes, there are certainly different specializations (to use the coach/team analogy) and different levels of experience/ability. But, this doesn’t change the fact that all have the ability to coach others, and all are responsible for playing.
When we see the church as a team of player-coaches, it emphasizes several important aspects of our life in Christ that we share together.
1) We’re all equal in Christ; all are important; all are necessary.
2) At any point in time, any follower of Jesus could be a coach (leader).
3) At any point in time, any follower of Jesus could need a coach (leader).
4) Leading (coaching) is not about position or even function (since there can be leadership in different aspects of life).
5) Leading (coaching) is about helping others follow Jesus (in whatever aspect of life that is needed).
6) We all play the same game (which is not a game, but is life in Christ).
7) We all play for the same team.
8) We all play for the same owner.
9) We all take our directions (plays) from the same owner.
Obviously, every analogy fails at some point. But, what do you think of my analogy of the church as a team of player-coaches? Or do you prefer one of the other analogies that I mentioned (players with coaches or players with player-coaches)?
The secondary concern with imitation in Scripture
As I mentioned in my post “Lessons in Imitation,” the idea of imitation is very important to the authors of the New Testament. This is especially true of Paul, but John (at least) also exhorts his readers toward imitation. In that post, I listed several of the passages in Scripture in which people were exhorted toward imitation. Those instructions included the imitation of God as well as the imitation of other followers of Jesus (both the authors and others).
When we read through those passages, we can see that the primary concern of the authors is for the readers to consider who they are imitating. In this post, I want to consider another concern about imitation that can only be inferred from those passages, and so is a secondary concern.
What concern is that? While the primary concern of the scriptural authors is for the readers to think carefully about who they are imitating, a secondary concern is for the readers to think about the kind of life they are living and that others are imitating.
Now, before I begin, I need to make something clear. We do not live a certain way because other people are watching us (noticing how we live and following our example, either good or bad). Instead, we live a certain way in obedience to Jesus Christ and in order to glorify God. However, while other people ARE watching us, and they ARE following our example whether we realize it or not. And, being a good example (of a follower of Jesus Christ and child of God) is part of obeying Jesus and glorifying God.
But, even before talking about what it means to live in a way that honors Jesus, there’s another step that we need to consider – a step that I think many among the church are setting aside. What step is that? Actually sharing life with others so that they are able to see your life and you are able to see their life.
Think about it… How can you imitate someone if you do not know how that person lives? How can someone imitate your way of life if they do not know how you live? For too long, the church has relied almost completely on words (either spoken or written) as the primary method of teaching and discipleship. This is not sufficient.
We must begin sharing our lives with one another – every aspect of our lives – yes, even the parts that you wish were not there. Why? Because that’s how real discipleship, teaching, and fellowship takes place. Anything else is a farce – a fake – not reality.
Of course, the church today does not accept this kind of messiness… because life is messy. Instead, we prefer to have things polished, practiced, excellent. And, I think, this is stunting the growth of many Christians.
So, start sharing your life with other brothers and sisters in Christ. Let them see the good and the bad. It’s okay, even if they reject you. And some will.
But, others will accept you as you are, and you will be able to accept them as they are. And, together, you will learn to imitate good and stay away from evil, and together you will grow in maturity in Jesus Christ.
The primary concern with imitation in Scripture
As I mentioned in my post “Lessons in Imitation,” the idea of imitation is very important to the authors of the New Testament. This is especially true of Paul, but John (at least) also exhorts his readers toward imitation. In that post, I listed several of the passages in Scripture in which people were exhorted toward imitation. Those instructions included the imitation of God as well as the imitation of other followers of Jesus (both the authors and others).
When we read through those passages, we can see that the primary concern of the authors is for the readers to consider who they are imitating. They are not to accept just anyone as someone to be imitated. And, in fact, there are no indications that they should accept someone else to imitate simply because others are imitating that person.
While the authors do not always specify reasons to imitate someone else, a few do. Perhaps John write the most general exhortation when he writes, “Do not imitate evil but imitate good.” (3 John 11 ESV) If you read that passage in context, you’ll see that John is actually comparing two different examples that could be imitated: Diotrephes or Demetrius.
Similarly, we see Paul exhorted others to follow him “as he follows Christ,” to follow others in suffering, and to follow others in hard work. The author of Hebrews says to follow someone’s “faith” only after considering “the outcome of their way of life.” (Hebrews 13:7 ESV)
Finally, think again about this passage that Paul wrote to the church in Corinth:
I urge you, then, be imitators of me. That is why I sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in every church. (1 Corinthians 4:16-17 ESV)
So, not only did Paul encourage the Christians in Corinth to imitate him, but he sent Timothy to them as another example to be imitated. This tells us something important about imitation: we should only imitate people we know and spend time with. “Imitation” in Scripture is about following the example of someone else’s way of life, not simply “following” what the person says.
So, in these passages, the authors are exhorting their readers not only to imitate others, but to carefully consider who they are imitating. And, what is to be considered? The way these people live… what they do… how they respond in difficult situation… are they loving, joyful, peace-filled, etc. even when most people are not?
It is only those who are truly following Jesus consistently that should be imitated. This is the primary concern of the authors of Scripture when they tell their readers to imitate others.
Lessons in Imitation
As I’ve mentioned several times lately, we’re studying through Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus (Ephesians) when we gather together with the church on Sundays. Of course, our discussions usually spill over into times of conversation and encouragement during the week as we see each other in homes, restaurants, parks, wherever.
This last week, we were scheduled to study the first half of chapter 5 together. As I continued studying through the letter and as I focused on chapter 5 last week, I was intrigued by the first few verses of that chapter.
It starts like this:
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:1-2 ESV)
I realized when I read this that I had been pretty jaded. Do you understand how shocking it is to be told to “imitate God”? It truly is jarring when you think about it. Of course, Paul followed that up with “walk in love,” and not just any kind of love, but the same love that Jesus Christ demonstrated when he gave up his life for us.
But, going back to that idea of being imitators… there are many instances in Scripture in which the authors exhort the readers to be “imitators.” I started reading through these difference passages, and I was reminded how important imitation is for followers of Jesus Christ.
Here are a few of the passages:
I urge you, then, be imitators of me. That is why I sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in every church. (1 Corinthians 4:16-17 ESEV)
Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. (1 Corinthians 11:1 ESV)
And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy Spirit, so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. (1 Thessalonians 1:6-7 ESV)
For you, brothers, became imitators of the churches of God in Christ Jesus that are in Judea. For you suffered the same things from your own countrymen as they did from the Jews… (1 Thessalonians 2:14 ESV)
For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate. (2 Thessalonians 3:7-9 ESV)
And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. (Hebrews 6:11-12 ESV)
Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. (Hebrews 13:7 ESV)
Beloved, do not imitate evil but imitate good. Whoever does good is from God; whoever does evil has not seen God. (3 John 1:11 ESV)
While most of these examples are from Paul’s letters, at least one is from a different author. (Perhaps two are fum a different author, if Hebrews was not written by Paul.) In fact, the most general exhortation is from John when he writes, “Do not imitate evil, but imitate good.”
So, why do you think imitation was so important to these early followers of Jesus?
Replay: The Problem of Learning from Strangers
Four years ago, back in November 2008, I wrote a post called “Learning from Strangers.” Have you noticed that when you ask a Christian a question today, they will tend to suggest a book to read on the topic? Or, when you’re talking about something, someone tells you what several of his or her favorite authors wrote about it? Perhaps you’re lucky and that doesn’t happen around you. But, I’ve noticed it happening more and more. I think this illustrates a big problem: we’re primarily learning from strangers, i.e., people we do not actually know. That’s the point of this post.
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Learning from Strangers
As followers of Jesus Christ, we should be ready to learn from anyone – especially other brothers and sisters – even if we do not know them. However, when reading through Scripture, it seems that the authors thought most learning would happen within relationships.
These relationships as described in Scripture are “full life” relationships, meaning that we primarily learn from people that we actually know. We know what they say. We know how that treat their family. We know about their work ethic. We know how they treat other people. Thus, we learn from people that we really, truly, actually know.
But, today, things have changed. Strangers (or acquaintances at best) are the primary source of “information” and learning for most Christians. We read books written by people that we do not know. We watch and listen to sermons given by people that we do not know. We attend conferences where the speakers are people that we do not know. We often listen week after week to teaching from people that we do not know – even if they are part of our church.
Thus, when our favorite author, or a powerful speaker, or a gifted musician “fails” we feel betrayed. But, in reality, we are failing ourselves by putting our trust so heavily in people that we actually do not know.
Now, don’t misunderstand me. Books, and tapes, and CD’s, and lectures, and conferences can be very helpful. But, these things should complement the really, true, actual learning and discipleship that takes place through really, true, actual relationships. These things (books, tapes, cd’s, lectures, conferences) should not take the place of relationships.
In fact, we’re now part of a “Christianity” in which relationships are not only secondary, but they are rare. When talking to others, we would prefer to quote our favorite author than to listen to someone we know, perhaps because we don’t really know them.
Jesus not only spoke the gospel of the kingdom, but he also demonstrated it. Paul told people to consider his words and his manner of living. John said that our fellowship with one another is actually fellowship with the Father and the Son. We’ve replaced learning through relationship (knowing someone and their manner of life) with learning from strangers (people we do not know – including their manner of life).
Your favorite author may be able to wax eloquently concerning the theological implications of the love of God. But, you will learn more about the love of God from the person that you actually know – the person who is struggling with his boss, but continues to love her – the person who gives to others while going without himself – the person who would walk into a low income neighborhood because of her concern for the neighbors there.
Relationships are more than pastimes or good ideas. God worked in Scripture primarily through relationships. Discipleship occurs primarily through relationships. Spiritual growth occurs through relationships. Its time to spend less time with our favorite authors and more time with the people that God has placed in our lives.
Pulling up a chair at the table of the Lord
There have been some really good blog posts lately about “the table of the Lord.” I want to highlight a few of them.
Kathleen at “Church in a Circle” writes about the table in her post “Tomorrow’s church – Part 5: Food and fellowship.” At one point, she writes, “The act of sharing food draws us together. It relaxes us, and creates an intimate space to talk and interact. It ‘greases the wheels’ of conversation and fellowship.” Then she connects this conversation and fellowship to the meal that we call “the Lord’s Supper.”
Jamie at “The Cost of Community” also writes about the table in his post “At The Table of Belonging.” He says, “The start of our time together is our shared meal- a potluck dinner where everyone (who is able) brings something to add to the table where we all partake. For me, this shared table is the center piece of our worship together.” I think he describes a great way of meeting together around the table.
Finally, David at “Reclaiming the Mission” writes about extending the table in his post “The Table in the Neighborhood.” He begins with this thought-provoking statement: “One important pathway to mission in the neighborhood is ‘the meal.’ This is what I have been learning these past many years.” The remainder of this post is how meals have allowed him to connect with his neighbors.
I’d encourage you to read each of these posts, and join in the discussion at each site.
Then, I wonder, how have you seen God use meals (and especially meals among believers – i.e., the table of the Lord)?