Still too private, but still growing
Just over a week ago, something happened that was very disheartening to me personally. This thing that happened did not directly affect anyone else, nor did it directly affect the church. But it did affect others, even if they didn’t realize.
Although I’m learning and writing about community and fellowship and sharing and living life together, I found myself keeping this discouragement to myself. Why? Because this is my natural way of protecting myself and others.
However, I did share my pain with a few people… not enough people… not the church… but a few people. Looking back, I know that I should have told more people about this discouragement. It would have been better for me and it would have been better for them. But, I didn’t do that.
In many ways, I’m still too private of a person, even though I “know” the importance of sharing life together – all of life. But, I am growing in this area. I don’t know what will happen the next time something painful happens to me… but I pray that I keep growing.
So why do we keep people at arms length like that? We do the same thing as a family but we should lean on one another in the church. Is it because we don’t want people in our business? Or is it that we don’t want others burdening US with their problems?
I think, to answer Arthur’s question, it’s a matter of trust. We don’t trust our brothers and sisters in Christ to actually help us bear our burdens. Instead, we’ve gotten so accustomed to being judged, being looked down upon, being shunned, being pushed away, being avoided…
So, out of fear, we avoid.
The body of Christ in our culture is a very, very dysfunctional family. It’s very sad. And if it seems sad to us, it must totally break the heart of our Father.
Actually, I like it when other people tell me their problems and struggles. I don’t feel it’s a burden at all. I think Steve may have hit on part of it. Trust may be part of the issue. There may be other issues as well.
-Alan
I know where you are coming from, Alan, I am the exact same way. Very private, and learning to grow, learning to trust others in my church family.
The reason I want to privatize my life is because I thought that people did not want to deal with me, that I am a charity case because I am a huge mess as a person. I didn’t want people to see how big of a mess my life is.
However, with the grace of God, He is helping me to grow, and to help me trust others.
Hm, now that I think about that, I thin I’ll blog about this topic too. Thanks for the inspiration!
For some reason, the link in my name of the previous post did not work. But anyway, in case you wanted to take a look at my resulting blog post of the topic.
http://tdkohnenfaith.blogspot.com/2010/01/private-lives-leads-to-destruction.html
I’m not right there with you this time, Alan. I kinda wish I was. I know I don’t post comments too often, but I read almost everything you post. I guess I’m more of a leach on your site anyway. But in life I tend to be too personal too often, with everyone. I assume everyone struggles and so maybe if I share mine then maybe others will open up and share theirs, but what I do this I alienate myself by always giving too much information or being too personal. I’m trying to learn what things to hold in and what things to share and when. It’s a horrible balance to figure out sometimes.
Tiffy and Kevin,
Thanks for the comments. It’s encouraging to see that others are struggling with similar issues. Thank God for his grace and patience and for the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives!
-Alan
Alan,
In our national context, Steve is spot on. Australians are generally suspicious of the motives of those who want to talk about personal problems and difficulties, as well as those who care enough to listen.
Personally speaking, as the result of past experience, which caused our family much trauma, developing trust is, of necessity,a long process. In our desire to unburden ourselves, or to counsel others, we often forget that, both ourselves, and those we deal with,are branded with the same sin heritage.