Scary things
Three years ago, I wrote a post called “Scary things.” It’s one of my favorite posts of all times. It was fun to write, and it tends to get great comments.
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What could be more appropriate on Halloween than a list of scary things? Of course, since the name of this blog is “The Assembling of the Church”, these scary things may be a little different than they appear:
1.) A being with multiple heads. I’ve heard it said that a creature without a head is a monster. I think an organism with multiple heads is a monster as well.
2.) Self-mutilation. It is scary to me to think of people who will wilfully harm their own body. You know what I mean, and I’m sure you’ve all witnessed it: people who are perfectly willing to hack off an arm or a leg, or remove their spleen, all the while crying, “It’s merely a flesh wound”. This is scary.
3.) Insenstivity to pain. This is another scary thing to me. Can you imagine living life without knowing when you are hurt. Imagine having an arm or leg or spleen that is shrivelling up and dying, and yet you do not realize it. Although I’m sure that if you had this problem, you would pay extra attention to the parts of your body to make sure that none are hurting.
4.) Fratricide. My brother often made me angry, but I can’t imagine killing him. I mean, sure, he was wrong often, and I was never wrong. But, I would not have killed him just for being wrong. And, the words that I said to him don’t count as murder, right? Fratricide is certainly scary.
5.) Ghosts. I don’t like ghosts. I mean, they look real, but they’re only spiritual. There’s no physical substance; they can’t actually do anything. What good is something that is only spiritual which can’t affect the physical?
6.) Zombies. Zombies scare me. They act like they’re alive – they move and make noise even though the noise is mostly moaning and groaning and grumbling. But, they’re not actually alive. Instead they only move based on their dead instincts.
7.) Vampires. Vampires are very smooth, but they don’t add to life, they suck the life out of people. Vampires are fun to watch and incredibly good to the ego. But when it comes down to it, they’re dead and they kill other things. This is scary.
8.) Werewolves. These guys act like normal people, but then, at certain times, they turn into something completely different. They act different. They talk different. They hang out with different types of creatures. Then, they go back to their normal existence when the special time is over. This is scary.
9.) Haunted houses. These are special places where the spiritual realm exist. You have to be careful when you go into these places, because they make people do weird things; things they wouldn’t normally do outside the haunted house. The good thing is, it seems the spiritual things rarely venture outside the haunted house.
10.) Masks. These are truly scary. I mean, the face on the outside is scary enough, but who knows what the face underneath looks like? The face underneath is the one that I’m scared of.
So, what scares you?
Witches-they use a blend of spiritual phrases and compounded physical elements to manipulate their subjects into doing things that are unnatural. Witches scare me.
Pastors: they use a blend of spiritual phrases and strategically placed physical elements to manipulate their subjects into doing things that are unbiblical, unedifying, and shallow. Pastors scare me.
Deacons: Deacons are scary creatures that wear happy masks when you first meet them but then when the time is just right they take off their masks and you see their real face. Unfortunately by then it is too late, they have already cut your legs off. Deacons REALLY scare me.
this is awesome! scary. and hilarious! i had to read each one 5 times to truly GET it 🙂 great job! and i agree.
What’s scary is the thought of those things being the only expression of “church” available.
Thanks for the additions everyone!
-Alan