Where did I go? (May Synchroblog)
This post is part of the May Synchroblog on the topic “Life Unfurling.” The purpose of this synchroblog is to write about something that we’ve “let go of” along the way in our spiritual journey.
This is an easy one for me. (Well, easy in one sense. But, in another sense it is dreadfully difficult and painful.)
What have I “let go of”? Me. I’m not saying that to sound super spiritual. Instead, what I’m saying is this: The “me” that existed a few years ago does not exist any longer.
When I first graduated from college, I was extremely introverted. I enjoyed closing myself in my office, working on my computer, and interacting with other people as little as possible. I was also an extremely self-centered person. Oh, I loved my wife, but primarily because of what I got out of it.
In the years that followed, God has changed me. I’m now much more extroverted. I enjoy spending time with people. I actually enjoy serving people. Now, I love my wife for completely different reasons.
Wow… It seems so strange writing about what I used to be like, and what I’m like now. I did not plan to change. I was happy with myself.
Somewhere along the way, as I walked with God, little by little, that person changed. I’m not him anymore. I’ve left him behind. As I said, it wasn’t always easy. It often meant giving up who I thought I was and what I thought I could or couldn’t do.
I don’t look for that guy anymore. Years ago, I was perfectly happy being him. I don’t know why God changed me. I don’t know why I had to lose that guy. But, I’m glad that God has me here now.
(This post is not intended to suggest that introverts are somehow less mature than extroverts. I’m simply expressing how God has changed me over the years. I know some people who are introverts and who are very mature in Christ, and I thank God for them.)
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These people are also writing about “Life Unfurling” for the May Synchroblog:
- John Martinez at Indie Faith – Letting Go of the Holy Me
- Beth Patterson at Finding Ground – What is Passed Over is Not Love
- Jeremy Myers at Till He Comes – Help, I’m Lost and Can’t Find Myself
- Ellen Haroutunian – Life Unfurling
- Marta Layton – On Burdens, Blessings, Babies and Bathwater
- Alan Knox at The Assembling of Church – Where Did I Go?
- Crystal Lewis – What Happened When I Let Go
- Pam Hogeweide at How God Messed Up My Religion – Letting Go of a Church-Centered Me
- K.W. Leslie at the Evening of Kent – Legalism, Anti-Legalism, and Anti-Anti-Legalism
- Ryan Harrison at How We Spend Our Days – Scraping the Barnacles
- Kathy Escobar at The Carnival in My Head – Letting God Off the Hook
- Christine Sine at Godspace – Giving Up For God, What Does it Cost?
- Liz Dyer at Grace Rules – What Do You Do When You Are Not Sure
- Dan Brennan at Faith Dance – Letting Go for a Greater Good
- Elaine Hansen – Recovering Control Freak – Let Go?
- Wendy McCaig at View From the Bridge – Embracing the Grey
- Chris at The Amplified Life – Seasons of Life
Great, great post, Alan.
Have you truly become extroverted or do you just enjoy being around people more? Do you feel energized after being with people, or drained?
I love being around people too, and can usually converse and get involved with almost anyone pretty well, but afterwards, I always feel drained and tired. Study and solitude re-energizes me. I am told that I am a “closet introvert.”
Anyway, just curious if this is part of the transition process you are talking about.
Alan,
I’m grateful for the way that God has changed you, and the influence you’ve had on my life as result of that change. Love you brother,
Jason
Alan,
Thanks for the post. I completely get it. Have you considered that you might have been clinically depressed back then and then maybe God sort of healed you from all of that? Just a thought. I think that at some point we kind of have to cash in our tickets to the old show and buy new ones and that this is a lifelong action/adventure, but thoroughly entertaining.
Jeremy,
I’ve heard that from other people. In many ways, my wife is like that. She can talk for hours among one or two people, but crowds drain her.
Jason,
I appreciate the way that God has used you in my life too!
John,
No, I don’t think I was depressed. I was actually very content with myself. God just chose to change my personality for some reason.
-Alan
Alan,
Thanks for sharing part of your story. I, too, am an introvert at heart. But over the last few years God has been changing me to handle larger groups better. I still recharge by being alone or with a smaller group. My wife is the same as me in that regard.
-Chris
Chris,
Thanks for the comment. It’s amazing to look back and see how God has completely changed me in regard to spending time with groups of people. Once it would have drained me as well; now, it energizes me.
-Alan
alan, thanks for sharing, it is fun to hear how you are enjoying being you!