Hospitality and Discipleship
Several months ago, a young engaged couple asked my wife, Margaret, and me if we would do “pre-marital counselling” with them. We told them that we didn’t really do “counselling”, but that we would love to spend more time with them in a discipling relationship. We would meet together, talk about life and God and Scripture together, and get to know one another better. Since a big part of their life was their upcoming marriage, that would be a big part of our conversation. We also explained that we didn’t see discipleship as a course that lasted a few weeks. So, we were offering to enter into a life-long relationship with them.
They were excited about the idea, so we began to spend more time together. As we had told them, we talked alot about the marriage relationship – that is, the relationship between husband and wife – but we primarily talked about the marriage relationship in the context of a “loving God and loving others relationship”. Since we spend more time with our spouses and children, they should recognize and receive the most demonstrable love from us. Spouses should also be the first to recognize that we consider them as more important than ourselves.
Unfortunately, spouses are also usually the first to notice our sin, our selfishness, our hopelessness, our discouragement, our pain, our struggles. Spouses usually take the brunt of our bad moods and anger and bitterness. We talked about how important forgiveness and grace and mercy are to any relationship, especially the marriage relationship. And, much of the time, these discussions were held around the table, or in the living room following a meal. We were living and growing in our own relationships, not just talking about relationships.
During the weeks and months before they were married, we introduced them to some other couples. They were able to hear even more stories of introductions, dating, romance, failures, forgiveness, etc. It was amazing to hear how God had worked through so many difficult situations, and whether the couples had been married just a few years or many years, how God was continuing to use husbands and wives to disciple one another and to help one another mature in Christ even as they matured in their own relationships. One of the keys that kept popping up was grace, including forgiveness and mercy. Every husband and every wife admitted that they failed their spouse from time to time. Every husband and every wife admitted that there were times when they wanted to drop everything and run away. And, every husband and every wife confessed that it was only the love and grace of God that kept two sinners together in spite of their sinfulness.
We met with them just before they were married, spent a few minutes talking, and then played games together – Apples to Apples, mostly – one of our family’s favorite games. We talked again about how we saw our relationship with this couple as a continue, discipling relationship. We also encouraged them form relationships with other people – both those who were more mature than them, and with those who were less mature than them. We talked about the importance of opening their home and building relationships in the context of hospitality. We encouraged them to start inviting others to their home soon after they were married.
Last week, only a few weeks after their marriage, the young husband sent me a text message: “Would you and your family like to come to our house for dinner on Wednesday night?” How exciting! Not only did we get to spend time with this young couple and see how God was continuing to work in their lives and to continue building our relationship with them, we saw how they were following what we taught them with both our words and our actions. They were practicing hospitality!
As we were preparing to leave after a night with a wonderful dinner, encouraging conversation, and fun games, they asked us to sign their “journal”. As I opened the “journal” to write about our gratitude for the evening, I noticed that were not the first people that they had invited to their home. Even more exciting! They were not just offering hospitality to us in response to our own hospitality toward them, they were now modelling hospitality to others and building relationships with others!
As we continue to learn what it means to disciple people and to be disciples beyond the classroom and into sharing lives together, and as we continue to see the “fruit” of this type of relational discipleship, I’m finally beginning to understand John’s words: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” (3 John 4 ESV).
Eco-Theology and Discipleship
Some friends of ours started a discussion group a couple of weeks ago. They meet together – with whoever wants to join them – for the purpose of discussing a specific topic. Their desire is to move the discussion beyond the theoretical into the practical – that is, how does this affect the way we live our lives from day to day.
Thursday night, they held their second discussion group meeting. The topic: What is a Christian’s ethical response to ecology? My son, Jeremy, and I picked up another friend and joined the discussion group. The discussion was very good – mostly theoretical – but it did get very practical at the end. I asked alot of questions – probably too many – because I’m interested in this topic, but I have never studied the topic nor has it been a topic of discussion in school.
While I could talk about many things that were said during the discussion group, that’s not the real point of this blog post. After leaving the discussion group, and after dropping our friend off at his house, Jeremy and I started talking. He was very quiet during the meeting, and since the discussion was very technical, I wasn’t sure how well he followed along. However, from our talk in the car on the way home, it was clear that he was listening and that he cared about what we were talking about.
It was exciting to hear my son talk about creation, and how important it us for us to take care of creation. He also talked about how people should take a precedence over plants and animals and other aspects of creation, but that it is not always easy to differentiate. For example, taking care of the rain forest benefits humans. It was awesome hearing him struggle with some of the same issues that others struggle with. We talked about how important it is to walk in the Spirit, recognizing that the Spirit will always lead us in ways that honor God.
Discipleship is an ongoing enterprise… when you come in and when you go out. Discipleship never stops… when you rise up and when you lay down. I am always making disciples. The question is, “What kind of disciples am I making?”
Correcting with gentleness
In 2 Timothy 2, Paul instructs Timothy concerning how to deal with “opponents”:
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. (2 Timothy 2:24-26 ESV)
What does Paul mean by opponents in this passage? Is Paul instructing Timothy in how to deal with people who disagree with him over any subject matter or any topic? Or, perhaps Paul wants Timothy to deal with gentleness over insignificant matters only? What is the context of this passage?
Just a few sentences previously, Paul wrote the following words:
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness, and their talk will spread like gangrene. Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus, who have swerved from the truth, saying that the resurrection has already happened. They are upsetting the faith of some. (2 Timothy 2:15-18 ESV)
According to Paul, Timothy is to demonstrate that he is an approved worker who does not need to be ashamed by “rightly handling the word of truth”. In Scripture, the phrase “word of truth” is almost synonymous with the term “gospel”. So, Timothy is to handle the gospel correctly.
Meanwhile, others are not handling the gospel correctly. Instead, they are taking part in “irreverent babble” – or “worldly empty talk” – that is, not related to the gospel. Paul gives Timothy two examples – Hymenaeus and Philetus – of people who are contradicting the gospel by saying that the resurrection has already occurred. Later, Paul would again warn Timothy to have nothing to do with “foolish, ignorant controversies” that “breed quarreling” (2 Timothy 2:23). Instead of giving in to these types of “youthful passions”, Timothy is to pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace instead (2 Timothy 2:22).
It is in this context that Paul instructs Timothy to deal with his “opponents” in a most peculiar way: 1) without being quarrelsome, 2) with kindness, 3) with skillfulness in teaching, 4) with patient endurance, and 5) with gentleness. Why should Timothy deal with “opponents” in this manner? In hopes that God would grant them repentance.
In the context, it seems that Paul is telling Timothy how to deal with people like Hymenaeus and Philetus – those who are contradicting the gospel – as well as with those who are taking part in “worldly empty talk” and “foolish, ignorant controversies”.
I think the church has lost the ability to deal with “opponents” in gentleness, primarily because we have very shallow relationships with one another. We do not know one another, and thus the only way that we can deal with one another is through “skillful teaching” – which usually turns into a shouting match instead of a kindness match.
Are there times when “false teachers” – those who teach contrary to the gospel – should be pointed out and removed from the assembly. Yes, we see this example in Scripture. But, this seems to be the exception, not the rule. We do not begin by condemning people – in fact, we should never condemn people – and we do not begin by “excommunicating” people. Instead, we must begin with kindness, patience, gentleness… teaching with our attitude and our lives as much as with our words.
Hello… Is there anybody in there?
Every day – yes, literally, every day – someone reaches my blog by searching for some variation of the phrase “How does God communicate”. Usually, more than one person reaches my blog by searching for a variation of that phrase. Google, or Yahoo, or whatever search engine they use, dutifully directs them to a post that I wrote last year called “How Does God Communicate?” In fact, when I just searched for “How does God communicate” on Google, my post was the first result.
People are very interested in learning how God communicates with us. There are some people who would suggest that God only communicates with us through Scripture. The problem that I have with this view is that it is not supported by Scripture. Thus, this must be something that God communicated with someone apart from Scripture.
In fact, in Scripture, we see God communicating with people through many different means and through many different mediums. I don’t see any reason to think that God has stopped using different means and different mediums.
However, every time someone says, “God told me X”, I don’t always believe that God told them X. In fact, every time someone says, “God told me X through Scripture”, I don’t always believe that God told them X in Scripture. In other words, we do not always hear God when he communicates with us. We don’t always understand God when he speaks. And, sometimes, we think we hear God communicating with us when he is not communicating with us.
Since so many people are interested in the topic of God communicating, I thought I would try to start another conversation concerning this. So, instead of trying to answer questions about God speaking to us, I thought I would ask questions and allow you to answer.
1. Do you think that God still communicates with us? Why or why not?
2. Do you think he only communicates with us through Scripture? Why or why not?
3. When God communicates with you, how do you know that it is God?
4. When God communicates with you, do you always obey what he says?
Please ask and or answer any other questions that you think may be pertinent to this discussion.
Running from God
About a year and a half ago, I published a blog post called “Is our understanding of ‘church’ important?” In that post, I talked about a discussion that I had with a young lady concerning the church, and specifically what she learned about “church” by growing up “in church”. This was primarily what she communicated:
What did she learn? She learned that church is a place to go. She learned that what happened outside of the building was of negligible value to God. She learned that only professionals are capable of understanding and communicating the Bible.
I concluded that our actions are communicating things about the church that are not scriptural.
Last weekend, while we were helping a friend move, I met a young man from South Carolina. At one point, he and I were riding in the same van, moving some boxes. He started asking me about seminary and church. Since our mutual friend and I are part of the same church, he had heard some things about us – some things that were different. We talked about these things for a long time.
Then, I asked him, “What is God doing in your life?” He said, very honestly, “Well, right now I’m primarily running from God?”
Without asking, he began to share part of his story. I found out that this young man grew up in a situation similar to myself, attending churches that were both conservative and traditional. He was given alot of rules to live by. But, when he questioned some of those rules – specifically asking for scriptural backing for the rules – he was deemed a trouble-maker and a rebel.
He was taught that questioning his leaders was the same as questioning God, and disagreeing with his leaders was the same as rebelling against God. He (and those teaching him) had no category for humility in their understanding of God and the church. This is the current state of much of the church today. Either we agree on everything (that we decide is important), or we cannot remain friends and brothers/sisters.
So, the only way that my new friend could understand his current state is one of “running away from God”. Since he didn’t agree with the man-made rules that the “church leadership” tried to make him live by, he must be rebelling against God.
Again, what we think about the church, and what we teach about the church, are very important. Through our teaching and our actions we can work to help people grow toward maturity in Christ, or we can hinder them.
On apples and coffee
Don’t miss an excellent metaphor for discipleship written by Jeff from “Rendezvous” called “Apples to Apples“.
Speaking of metaphors, I enjoyed the conversation in the comments of my post called “A Cup o’ Joe or a Cup with Joe“. Thank you to everyone who stretched the “coffee” analogy farther than possible. It was alot of fun.
However, please do not miss the point of the original post in the fun of the comments. In my post, when “I” had coffee with Tom, “I” completely missed the point of having coffee with Tom, because “I” was so focused on how the meeting was organized and structured.
More "thoughts" on discipleship
Bill at “Provocative Church” quotes a friend of his and gives us “Thoughts on discipleship that make you go ‘hmm’…“. Here are the main points, though the further explanation is worth reading:
Information doesn’t guarantee transformation.
Never equate longevity with maturity.
The measurement of discipleship is obedience.
Personal charisma doesn’t guarantee transformation.
Disciples aren’t made effectively in classes.
Okay… I’ll just be honest… I know very few people who I would say are actively involved in being discipled and making disciples. I know many people who are taking part in classes and seeking education. But, I know very few disciples.
Group Audiences in John
Today, I am presenting a paper in the Gospel of John seminar that I am taking as part of my Ph.D. studies. The title of my paper is “Group Audiences in John”. Primarily, I exam the three main audiences with whom Jesus interacts in the Fourth Gospel: “the crowds”, “the Jews”, and “the disciples”.
“The crowds” refers to a heterogeneous group of people who have possibly heard about Jesus, but who are not closely associated with him. In the Gospel, they tend to respond positively to Jesus’ signs, but they respond to his teachings with ambivalence.
“The Jews” refers to representatives of the religious leadership based primarily in Jerusalem. In reference to audience, the phrase “the Jews” does not refer to all Jewish people. When interacting with Jesus, the religious leaders tend to respond negatively to both Jesus’ signs and teachings.
“The disciples” refer to that group of people who are more closely associated with Jesus and who spend the most time with him. Most of Jesus’ teaching in the Fourth Gospel are directed toward “the disciples”, while there are usually other groups present to hear the teachings as well. “The disciples” tend to respond positively to both Jesus’ signs and teachings.
This is the interesting aspect of the group audiences in John: while each audience as a group tends to respond to Jesus in a certain way, association with a specific group does not guarantee a certain response. Also, association with a certain group (even “the disciples”) does not guarantee that an individual is a follower of Jesus Christ in reality.
Judas is the primary example of one who is associated with “the disciples” but who is not shown as a real follower of Jesus in the Fourth Gospel. Judas is usually called one of “the disciples” and even one of “the Twelve” (a select group among “the disciples”), but he is also usually identified as the one who would betray Jesus. Similarly, in John 6:66, many of “the disciples” turned away from Jesus and no longer walked with him.
Also, Nicodemus is associated with “the Jews” but he is shown responding to Jesus in a neutral to positive light in several instances. The best example is in John 19:39, where Nicodemus (who is never called a “disciple”) is shown responding to Jesus in the same way as Joseph of Arimathea (who is called a “disciple” but is not called one of “the Jews” in the Gospel of John).
Here is one more interesting thing that I discovered about group audiences in John’s Gospel: there is never an instance where an individual or sub-group is associated with more than one of the group audiences. As I mentioned above, while Nicodemus responds to Jesus in a similar way as Joseph, Nicodemus is never called one of “the disciples”. Similarly, Joseph is never associated with “the Jews” in the Fourth Gospel. “The disciples” who stop following Jesus are never called “the crowd”. Members of “the crowd” or “the Jews” who start believing Jesus and following Jesus are never called “the disciples”.
So, what do I do with this analysis? Primarily, I conclude that in John’s Gospel, the author uses these group identifiers (“the crowds”, “the Jews”, and “the disciples”) to indicate general response tendencies of those who are curious about Jesus, those who are antagonistic toward Jesus, and those who are closely associated with Jesus respectively. Being identified with one of these groups in John is not equated with having eternal life (or the other synonyms that John uses for eternal life, such as “abundant life”, “abide in me”, etc.).
Instead of group association being identified with eternal life, John (through Jesus) gives the same answer to members of each of the three groups: eternal life is through Jesus and through following him. He tells all three groups this in John 6. He tells “the Jews” that true disciples (not simply one associated with “the disciples”) are ones who keep his commandments. Similarly, he tells “the disciples” that they will truly become his disciples by abiding in him, keeping his commandments, and loving him.
John’s use of audience may be perplexing at first, because we expect “the disciples” to be shown in a positive light as those who have received eternal light. Instead of associating with a group that identifies themselves as “the disciples” or even that are called “the disciples” by others, the Gospel of John calls everyone to “follow” Jesus, regardless of what others do (1:43; 21:19, 22).
He’s so pretty
A couple of days ago, Margaret made dinner for a young couple who recently had a baby. When we took the food over to their house, it was exciting to see the young mother’s reaction to her son. She was so in love with that little boy!
This reminded both of us of Margaret’s reaction when Jeremy was born… over 14 years ago now (wow!). She was very nervous about being a first time mother. She wasn’t sure that she would know what to do with a baby. But, after Jeremy was born, she quickly became a wonderful mother.
The best memory that I had of that time in our life is that when I came home from work, I would often find Margaret sitting in a chair, looking into the bassinet where Jeremy was sleeping. Many times, she would be crying. I would ask, “What’s wrong?” She would look up at me with big tears welling up in her eyes and say, “He’s so pretty!”
She loved that little boy so much! (Of course, she loved Miranda very much when she was born a few years later.)
Don’t get me wrong… it was hard work being first time parents – as those of you with children know! But, that hard work was worth it when you looked at that tiny little person who was a part of you both. Our love for our children compelled us to work hard to take care of them, to demonstrate that love – not just by staring at them and proclaiming, “He’s so pretty,” but also by giving up our time, energy, resources, etc..
When I think about this… when I think about how much Margaret and I both love our children… and when I think especially about Margaret’s maternal love for her children (with Mother’s Day quickly approaching)… I can’t help but think that God’s love for us is so much stronger than the love any mother has for her child.
I realize that this is not a deep post, nor is it original. But, I appreciated being reminded of God’s great love for us, and I thought I would take this opportunity to remind you as well: God loves you.
You are here
This post is part of a synchroblog organized by Glenn from “re-dreaming the dream” (see his post called “Your Turn: May Synchroblog“). In this synchroblog, participants are supposed to tell “a little about the latest chapter of your story”. Specifically, he suggests thinking about the following questions:
- How are you doing?
- What are you doing?
- What are you learning?
- What are you dreaming about?
When I started to think about the “latest chapter in my story”, I thought about one of those maps which have an arrow point to your current location along with the words, “You are here”. Of course, when I look at one of those maps, “Here” is rarely where I want to be. I always want to be “There”, wherever “There” may be. But, the map is still useful, especially in determining how to get from “Here” to “There”.
But, where is “Here” for me? Where is “There”? And, how do I get “There” from “Here”? These are very important questions, and I hope to answer a few of them in this post and in some future posts.
I could focus on many different aspects of my spiritual journey of understanding God, trusting God, relating to people, and understanding the world. Since I write primarily about the church, I think I will focus on one aspect of my understanding of the church that has changed and how that change has affected my life.
When I came to Southeastern to begin seminary just over five years ago, I was very happy with the institutional church system. I had grown up in that system; I had learned how to operate within that system; I had been a lay leader in the system; and I planned to be a professional leader within the institutional church system. There are many good things that happen in and through institutional churches, and this post is not meant as a rant against church systems.
However, as I made my way through seminary, and as I studied the church from the perspective of Scripture, I learned something very interesting: Scripture does not focus on church as a system, but on church as a people. Slowly, my thinking, my studies, and my actions have shifted away from support and defense of an institutional system and toward the strengthening of God’s people – the church.
This change has affected every aspect of my understanding of the church – the clergy/laity distinction, education, discipleship, meetings, discipline, teaching, fellowship, and on and on. While structures and organizations can work to help people relate to one another, they always must be checked and re-checked to make sure they are not hindering God’s people from obeying him and serving one another.
That’s where God has me now… at the moment… that is my, “You are here”. But, where is “There”? Where is God leading me? As I continue to study and as I continue to attempt to follow God in every aspect of my life, I realize that my understanding of how God loves and cares about people is very shallow… very limited. Because of that, my love and concern and service towards people is shallow and limited.
In the last several months I’ve written about social justice, caring for the least, etc. The gospel – the life, death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ and his completed work in healing the rift between us and God and other people caused by sin – calls us to both worship God and care for people. As our hearts are turned toward God, our hearts are also turned toward people.
My heart is turning, but its not there yet. I’m still very selfish and self-centered, though I see a direction in my life – a direction that I think God is moving me, because it parallels what we see about God in Scripture. Where and when I do find myself caring about other people, the scope of my concern is still limited primarily to those that I know personally. God cares for all people, especially those who are hurting, oppressed, needy, hungry, fatherless, widowed, and living in a foreign land. My heart is not there yet. But, again, I can sense that God is moving me in that direction.
Honestly, I don’t know exactly what “There” is going to look like. I don’t know exactly what God is going to use to move me from “Here” to “There”. But… I’m willing… honestly, my willingness is shaded with hesitancy because I realize that I will have to give up many things that are special to me – much like the institutional church was special to me. I’m willing… and I trust God to do this… but again, my trust is shaded with doubt – doubt that I will be obedient. All I can do is cry out with the father of the demon-possessed boy – “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief”.
I am “Here”… God wants me “There”… Lord, you will have to help me get from “Here” to “There”.
——————————————————————-
Below is a list of other posts from bloggers who are participating in this synchroblog:
Glenn with “Feeling Free“
Mike with “Lost or Found (Depends on your view)“
Erin with “My Turn“
Lyn with “Your Turn“
Sarah with “Glenn’s May Synchroblog“
Jane with “Part 1“, “Part 2“, “Part 3“, & “Part 4“
Alan with “You Are Here“
Barb with “One Year Checkup“
Kathy with “It stinks down here, but I really love the smell“
Heidi with “May Synchroblog“
Jeff with “Mile Marker Reflections“
Jeromy with “Our Story – Chapter 10“
Sam with “Synchroblog Monday“
Aaron with “Life after the Gravitron“
Rachel with “Synchroblog“
7catz with “May Synchroblog“
Gary with “How am I doing?“
Happy with “Better late than never“