What questions?
A few days ago, my friend Ed suggested that I create an FAQ page to explain some of my “ideas and heresies”. (Thanks, Ed! I think…) Actually, I think it is a good idea. What I want to do is create a page that points people to some of my posts that explain my views on certain topics dealing with the church. I’ll put a link to this page on my sidebar. But, what questions should I include? Here are some that I’ve thought of:
What is the church?
What is disicpleship?
What should believers do when the church gathers together?
What is worship?
What is edification?
What are elders?
Why is unity about believers so important?
For what reasons should believers separate from one another?
What about spiritual gifts?
What is fellowship and community?
What does it mean to love other people?
What are baptism and the Lord’s Supper?
What do I think about church programs?
Can you think of other questions that I should ask/answer in an FAQ?
More on Acts 29…
This morning, at 7:54 am, Dave Black published a list of people who would be included if Acts 29 was written. I’d like to add to his list.
Last night, our son, Jeremy, played in his first football game. He has wanted to play football for several years, and this is the first year that he has had the opportunity. His first game was in Raleigh, about 30-40 minutes south of us.
If Acts 29 was written, I think the families who travelled down to Raleigh to watch Jeremy play should be included. Not only did they travel 30-40 minutes each way and stay about 2 hours for Jeremy’s game, they were also very encouraging to both the players , the coaches, and the other parents. In fact, several parents noticed that we had a huge support section. There were more people there to support Jeremy than there were players on Jeremy’s team. These brothers and sisters know how to demonstrate their love for others. Some of them knew very little about football. But, they knew why they were there: because of their love for Jeremy.
I thank God for brothers and sisters like these.
Mutual Discipleship…
Dougald at “Meditations on the Law” is writing a series of posts about a trip to Central Asia. The second post is called “Reflections from Central Asia: Part 2.1 – Mutual Discipleship“. Throughout these posts, Dougald has been stressing the fact that he and his friends did not go to Central Asia in order to present themselves as “The Great White Hope” for the people there. Instead, they went to learn from the believers in Central Asia as the believers in Central Asia also learned from them. Dougald calls this “mutual discipleship”. Here is one excerpt:
One of the cheif things that my friend Wes and I focused on before going on this trip was something that we called, “mutual discipleship.” We took this term (though modified) from Romans 1:11-12 which reads, “For I long to see you that I might impart some spiritual gift to you that you may be established, that is that I may be encouraged together with you, while among you, each of us by the others faith, both yours and mine.“
The whole idea that Paul seemed to be communicating was one of mutual discipleship. Though Paul was an apostle, his main role was to encourage the church. But, this wasn’t the only goal of his visit: he desired encouragement from them for his own growth in Christ. That was our concept of mutual discipleship: We were to encourage our brethren and to receive encouragement from them. Just like we do here in the States, so we were to do there. We wanted to struggle together with them in our walks. We wanted to see victory over sin in our walks together. Just as if we were sitting at home with a group from our church. We wanted deep fellowship across cultural lines. Most importantly we wanted this trip to be OUR trip—both the Central Asian believers and the American believers.
I think Dougald and his group are on to something with this idea of mutual discipleship. It takes humility to travel to the other side of the world in order to learn from believers who many would consider somehow “less”. But, as Dougald expresses in his post, this is exactly the kind of humility that all believers are to hold toward one another.
We recognize that anything good that we can impart to another person comes only through the presence and work of the Holy Spirit, not through our own knowledge or education. Thus, if the other person is indwelled by the Holy Spirit as well, then the potential for us to learn from that person is just as high as their potential to learn from us.
I think this is a great attitude (humility and desire to learn from the other person) for a missionary – that is, for someone who travels away from their home to share the good news and build up the church. I also think this is a great attitude for a believer who stays close to home. Most importantly, I think this is a mandatory attitude for anyone who considers themselves a leader.
Distractions to Worship?
Saturday night, several friends met in our home for dinner and great conversation. We’ve been meeting together every week or so since last March (see the post called “Fellowship of Faith“). During the week before, I had the chance to talk to one of my neighbors who was struggling in her life. I had invited her to our Saturday evening get togethers, but she did not come. To be honest, I was disappointed. One of the purposes of our meeting together at our home on Saturday evenings has always been to have a safe environment to introduce our neighbors to the gospel and to other believers who are living out the implications of the gospel.
So, I was disappointed that my neighbor did not come to our house last Saturday evening. However, my disappointment did not last long. Soon, I could tell that God was doing a great work in the lives of the people who did gather together. There are so many things that we talked about, and so many ways that I was challenged and encouraged that it is difficult to decide what to write about. But, there is one thing in particular that stands out.
Several people brought up that they had been distracted from worshiping God by various things in their lives. Some people were distracted by strained relationships with other brothers and sisters in Christ. Others were hindered in their worship of God because of certain situations or circumstances that they were going through.
But, as we think through this issue, we must first ask what we mean by worship. If we are talking about singing songs or listening to a teacher or giving an offering or attending a meeting, then we are not talking about worship the way it is described in Scripture. Can these things be a part of worship? Certainly, but they do not constitute worship. In fact, worship – either personal or corporate – can occur without any of those activities taking place. Also, all of those activities can take place, but it does not mean that anyone is worshiping. Instead, worship is an attitude of the heart that is revealed in action. Worship is obedience to God. When we obey, we worship.
If we feel that we cannot worship because something is distracting us, then we are either misunderstanding what it means to worship, or there is sin in our own life. Usually, when we say that we are distracted from worship, we mean that we are interrupted while singing or can’t hear the preacher, or something to that effect. But, as I said previously, we are not limited to certain activities.
We no longer depend on a priest to offer intercession and sacrifice for us. We now have a high priest (Jesus Christ) who is never distracted and never fails in his duties. Plus, he makes us priest, so that we can offer spiritual sacrifices ourselves, both individually and corporately.
We no longer need a temple in order to enter the presence of God. Now, the Spirit has made us – again individually and corporately – into the temple of God and God dwells within each of us through the presence of His Spirit. We do not require the work of another person in order to commune with God; God is already communing with us.
We no longer need certain rituals and activities in order to present ourselves before God. Jesus has already carried out the only ritual necessary to bring us into the presence of God: his death, burial, resurrection, and ascension. Now, since we are indwelled with the Spirit of God, we have direct access to God.
Thus, no one can do anything to prevent our worship (response in obedience) of God. No circumstance or situation can prevent us from worshiping God. God has provided everything that we need.
For example, consider the situation where you are sitting among a group of believers, listening to someone teach. The teaching is very inspiring and challenging. You are really enjoying it. Beside you, a baby starts crying. Can the crying baby distract you from worshiping God? If we assume that you can only worship by listening to the teacher, then the baby would be a distraction. If we assume instead that the way you respond to the crying baby and the baby’s mother reveals your obedience to God, then you can continue to worship – even if you cannot hear the teacher. Perhaps, in this situation, worship would require you to give up your seat and stop listening to the wonderful teaching in order to help out a weary, young mother by walking around with the crying baby. If, instead, we respond to the crying baby by becoming angry at the “distraction” and the loss of an opportunity to listen to Bible teaching, the baby is not truly a distraction – the baby is simply revealing the sin in your own life.
Once again, if we recognize that activities and rituals do not equal worship, then we should also recognized that we cannot be “distracted” from worship by outside interferences. Instead, the only thing that can “distract” us from worshiping God is sin.
I wish that I could say that I brought this up last Saturday night, but I didn’t. It was another very wise brother who started the conversation. But, as we talked about this, several people begin admitting that it was truly sin in their own life that was hindering their obedience to God. Thus, another person’s actions or atitudes were not distracting someone from worship. Instead it was his or her own pride and self-centeredness. Circumstances and situations do not hinder our worship. Instead, it is the person’s own selfish expectations that are hindering their relationship with God.
Can we admit that only our own sin can hinder or distract us from worshiping God?
Why do we care about the church?
A couple of days ago, I asked you, my readers, to introduce yourselves to me and to the other readers. I also asked you to answer this question: “Why are you interested in the church?” (By the way, it is not too late to introduce yourself and respond to this question. See “Please allow me to introduce myself“.) Several responded. Since the responses about the church encouraged and challenged me, I thought I would take this opportunity to compile an edited version here. I am not attempting to put words into anyone’s mouth with this post. Instead, I’m using the responses of my readers to help express my own thoughts. Feel free to continue adding your own thoughts as well.
So… why do we care about the church?
God has adopted us into his family. He adopted us completely by his grace and not because of anything that we have done or think or will do or will think. He demonstrated his love for his children by coming to earth as a human, teaching us how to relate to the Father and to one another, living a sinless life, dieing on behalf of our sins, rising from the dead, and continuing to make intercession for us.
We are now children of God, part of God’s family – a present family, as well as an eternal family. God has confirmed our relationship with him by indwelling us with his Holy Spirit. Through the Spirit we relate to God, to other members of God’s family, and with the world around us. The Spirit prompts us to move toward God in faith and obedience, and to move toward one another in love and unity.
Jesus gathers his followers (the Father’s children) together into an assembly of God’s family through the work of the Spirit. This Spirit-assembled group is the church. As the church lives and works and loves and cares and laughs and cries and learns and grows, it becomes a community – a people that share a common existence in God through Jesus Christ enabled by the Spirit.
The church sometimes operates within organizations and structures and models and methods and programs, but these are not the church. God’s children continually follow the Spirit so that organizations and structures and models and methods and programs do not displace the church.
We recognize differences in one another, but work to maintain the unity of the one body, one faith because their is only one Spirit, one Lord, and one Father. We do not criticize one another, but we do teach one another. We do not ridicule one another, but we do attempt to understand one another. We do not exclude one another, but we do accept one another. We are family.
The children of God do not simply meet together, but much more importantly, they live together as family. They spend time with one another and encourage one another to grow in maturity in Christ (since none of them are perfect) through their words and their deeds. They recognize that the Spirit is working in their midst and desire to see one another exhibiting the fruit of his presence through demonstrations of love and good works.
These demonstrations of love and good works are directed toward brothers and sisters in Christ, but also toward those outside of God’s family. The Spirit of God works through the Father’s children in order to carry out God’s mission on earth. This mission is the Spirit-led and Spirit-enabled responsibility of every child of God – individually and corporately.
Individually or together, in small groups or in large, we recognize only one Lord, one Master, one Shepherd. We belong to our Lord and submit as his servants and servants of one another. We do not promote ourselves, but humble ourselves. We accept that when we work and when we serve and when we teach and when we give and when we make disciples and when we get our hands dirty – when we are following our Master, we are simply servants doing the work of servants, and we desire and deserve nothing.
We go when our Master says, “Go.” We speak when our Master gives us the words. We serve when our Master provides the strength. At other times, we wait for our Master, recognizing that we are nothing and can do nothing apart from him. But, we also know that He loves us – not because of anything in us, but because of who he is.
Why do we care about the church? Because the people who gather together are our family. Because God loves them and cares about them. Because Jesus died for them. Because the Spirit indwells them. Because we need them.
What position do you play?
A few days ago, our son started playing football. He has wanted to play football for several years now. This has been difficult because we homeschool, and the local schools do not allow homeschool students to take part in school sponsored athletic activities. Last Spring, we heard about a local Pop Warner league, so we registered our son to play.
On the first or second day of practice, the coach called all the boys together and started talking to them about positions. He asked the boys which position is the most important position on the team. Several of the boys said, “Quarterback”, but the coach corrected them. He said, “There is not ‘most important’ position on a football team. Every position is just as important as another position. If we have the most talented quarterback of any team in our league, but our other positions are not played well, then our team will not succeed.”
Wow… if only the church could understand this philosophy. We place so much emphasis on those “special positions” – those “up front positions” – like “ministers” and “staff” and “pastors” and “elders” – that we forget that every believer is just as important as any other for the proper functioning and growth of the body of Christ.
By the way, this is not just good teamwork philosophy; this is scriptural. For example, consider this passage from Ephesians:
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Ephesians 4:15-16 ESV)
Notice that, according to Paul, the church builds itself up in love when the whole body (that would be every follower of Christ) works together as they are equipped. In fact, Paul stresses the necessity for every believer to work together four times in verse 16: 1) whole body, 2) joined and held together, 3) every joint with which it is equipped, and 4) each part is working properly.
But, what about those unimportant believers – you know, those who never seem to “get with the program”, who never seem to “carry their fair share of the load”, who never seem to “get involved and get committed”. Does the growth of the body of Christ depend on “those people”? Yes! When we discount certain believers – when we give up on them – then we are hobbling the body of Christ – we are shackling the church.
Every believer is important. And, those believers who we consider less important – less gifted – less able – less anything – God gives greater honor:
On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. (1 Corinthians 12:22-25 ESV)
It’s time for the church to stop honoring “Christian celebrities”, and recognize that each believer is important and necessary to the proper working of the church of God. God has placed the members in the church according to his will (1 Cor. 12:18). When we decide that one member is not as important or not necessary, then we are working against God. When we place one member above other in importance or necessity, then we are working against God.
For many, many years, the church has trained the quarterback and allowed him to run all the plays, while, for the most part, ignoring other members of the team. Meanwhile, the quarterbacks have basked in the accolades of the crowd, accepting the superior position offered by the church, hoping to be traded to the next Super Bowl team. A football team cannot succeed if every position is not played well. A church – the body of Christ – will not grow as God intends if every member is not recognized as important and necessary and if every member is not functioning as God has gifted him or her.
Perhaps it is time for a few quarterbacks to find their place on the line, helping the linemen in their responsibilities. Or perhaps they can split out wide and help the receivers run their routes. Or perhaps… just perhaps… they should sit out a few plays, and allow God to use others as he has equipped. Those people are part of the church for a reason.
What position do you play?
Dialog during the meeting of the church…
Many times, when considering the concept of speaking or teaching within the context of the meeting of the church, believers focus on the exhortation of Paul to Timothy: “Preach the word!” We have our modern definitions of preaching – too many to mention here – and our modern methods of preaching – again, too many to mention. But, I’ve read very few studies from a scriptural perspective into how believers actually spoke to one another or taught one another when the church gathered together.
There are two Greek verbs that are usually translated “preach” in English translations of the New Testament: κηρύσσω (kerusso) which means “to announce or proclaim aloud” and εὐαγγελίζομαι (euangelizomai) which means “to bring or announce good news”. Interestingly, in spite of the fact that these verbs and the nouns associated with them are used many times in the New Testament, there are very few occurrences (if any) where the specified audience consists of believers.
So, what verbs are used in Scripture to indicate the type of speech that occurs when believers meet together? Well, primarily, the biblical authors simply use the verbs that mean “to speak” or “to say”: λέγω (lego), λαλέω (laleo), etc. These verbs indicate that verbal communication was happening, but they do not reveal much about the method of communication.
However, there is another very interesting verb that is also used often in the context of believers speaking to one another when the church meets, and that is the verb διαλέγομαι (dialegomai). This verb means something like “to converse, discuss, argue, esp. of instructional discourse that frequently includes exchange of opinions”.
In Acts 19:8, Paul “reasoned” (ESV) (διαλέγομαι – dialegomai) with the Jews in the synagogues, but in Acts 19:9, after he left the synagogue, he continued “reasoning” (ESV) (διαλέγομαι – dialegomai) with the disciples who followed him to the hall of Tyrannus.
In Acts 20:7-10, Paul “talked” (ESV) (διαλέγομαι – dialegomai) with the believers in Troas on the first day of the week. This is the time when Paul continued speaking until midnight and the young man fell out of the window. But, what we don’t generally see from our English translation is that Paul’s “speech” could also be called a “discussion”.
There are other instances in the NT where the verb διαλέγομαι (dialegomai) is used to describe Paul or another believer “discussing” or “arguing” with nonbelievers. In these instances, the verb is almost always translated “reason”, “argue”, or “discuss”.
I wonder what would happen today if those who teach and speak to believers when the church meets used methods of discussion and dialog instead of the normal monologue method…
Here I am to worship (synchroblog)
This post is part of a synchroblog originally suggested by Glen Hager at “re-dreaming the dream“. Many bloggers are posting blogs around the topic of “Things I Learned From Church (That Didn’t Prove True And What I Am Learning Lately)”.
For as long as I can remember, I have been exhorted to come to church on Sundays in order to worship God. On Sundays, churches have “worship services” at certain “worship times” held in their “worship centers” during “corporate worship” to sing “worship songs” chosen by “worship leaders” accompanied by “worship bands”. I learned that I could participate in this “corporate worship” by attending the worship service, putting money in the offering plate, singing the songs, and listening to the preacher. This is what I was taught to do in order to worship God.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I was also taught that “personal worship” was important. I was supposed to read my Bible, pray, and journal (if I was very spiritual). But, though these were suggested as important, they always seemed to be less important somehow than “corporate worship”. When preachers talked about being “fed from the Word”, they always counted preaching times during a “worship service”, but they didn’t count personal Bible reading times during “personal worship”. Thus, we were told, we should all see how important it is to come to the Sunday evening “worship service” because we would then be getting twice the amount of Bible teaching and “worship”. Again, that “personal worship” seemed to be important, but it didn’t really count. I was supposed to worship God personally, but I REALLY worshiped God on Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, and Wednesday evenings during “corporate worship”.
When I started seminary, this perception of “corporate worship” continued. The seminary held chapel services three days a week in which we were exhorted to “worship” God together as a seminary. I read articles about corporate worship, such as one where the author stated, “Corporate worship is the energizing center for all that the church is and does.” (G. Temp Sparkman, “Corporate Worship: The Experience and the Event”, Perspectives in Religious Studies 18 (Fall 1991), 241-48). Also, I was required to take a course called “The Ministry of Worship”.
It was in this class that I first began to seriously question the belief and practice concerning “corporate worship”, which led me to consider the topics of “worship” (in general) and ecclesiology. While much of the class dealt with music and the “worship service”, the professor did not allow us to limit our definitions of worship as I had been taught. We were encouraged to study what Scripture said about worship. This was eye-opening and life-changing for me.
The New Testament says nothing about believers gathering together for the purpose of “worship” as we see it today. In the NT, singing is rarely mentioned. In the NT, preaching is primarily for proclaiming the good news of Jesus Christ to unbelievers. There is no teaching in the NT leading to a “worship leader”, and pastors are never seen as managing or even coordinating a meeting of believers. Sitting and listening quietly are never presented as a way to participate in “corporate worship”. These ideas, and many others that I had taken for granted, are nowhere to be found in the pages of the New Testament.
And, yet, followers of Christ are to worship God. Also, believers are to gather together. How do we understand worship and believers gathering together if not in the traditional sense? Jesus tells us that the Father seeks those who will worship him in spirit (or is it Spirit?) and truth. Paul says that offering our entire lives to God as a sacrifice constitutes reasonable worship. He also exhorts us walking in love (following Christ’s example) is the type of offering that is pleasing to God and that we should discern what is pleasing to God – that is, ways to walk in love and in light. But, where are the instructions to get together and sing songs, put our money in an offering plate, and listen to a sermon?
Certainly, there are various activities described in Scripture that people do together. For example, Paul tells us how important it is for us to partake in the Lord’s Supper together. However, he also says that simply eating the bread and drinking the wine (or eating an entire meal) does not constitute participating in the Lord’s Supper. Similarly, we know that many people pray together, give money together, and sing songs together without worshiping God. It seems something more than mutual attendance and activity are necessary to worship God.
To me, the key seems to be recognizing that worship is not about activity – whether individual or corporate. Instead, worship is a life lived in obedience to God. We can sing about loving God forever, but if we are not demonstrating that love through our lives then we are not worshiping. We can give every penny, but if that giving is not in response to the love of God and the love of others, then our giving is worthless, not worship. We can listen to Bible sermons, preaching Bible sermons, or read the Bible on our own, but without a life that demonstrates dependence on God and obedience to Him, then we are not worshiping. We cannot worship God without obeying what he has revealed to us. We cannot obey on our own what God has revealed to us. We are completely dependent upon God (the grace that he provides through his Spirit) to be able to worship God. Worship is not as much about doing things for God (an audience of one?) as it is about being in God, abiding in Christ, walking in the Spirit.
If we worship individually as we abide in Christ, then how does this relate to the times when believers come together as the church? If abiding in Christ is related to obedience, then we recognize that we worship God together only as we obey him together. But, what did God tell us to do when we come together? Did God tell us to sing songs, take up an offering, and preach/listen to preaching? No. Instead, very simply and very clearly, we are told that whenever we come together everything should be done for the purpose of edifying (building up) one another. We worship God together as we mutually encourage one another toward maturity in Christ. In fact, we are told to consider (think deeply about) one another so that we will know how to spur on one another toward love and good works. When we come together we speak to one another and serve one another in a way that encourages us all not merely to think something, but to do something: love and good works.
Certainly, we would want to continue meeting with those who show us what it means to abide in Christ through their good works. So attendance at a meeting will not be required or commanded. Instead, meeting together will be a joy and a relief and a welcome opportunity for laughter and tears, comfort and admonishment, singing and praying, giving and getting, listening and speaking and serving.
This is not a “service” that is planned by a professional, but a gathering of God’s people that is choreographed by the Spirit. Similarly, it is not a time for one or two people to exercise the gifts of the Spirit in order to build up the church. We all speak and serve by each one exercising the gifts that the Spirit provides in the way that the Spirit wills in order to build up one another toward maturity in Christ and, in so doing, we bring glory to God.
As I’ve been learning about the church, as I’ve studied Scripture concerning the church and how believers meet together, I’ve found that God expects us to build one another up toward maturity in Christ when we meet together. This is a true “worship service” – obedience to God in service to one another.
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Synchrobloggers for the topic “Things I Learned From Church (That Didn’t Prove True And What I Am Learning Lately)”
Glenn Hager in Things I Learned from Church
Erin in A New Synchroblog
Lyn in Synchroblog
Heather in Things I Learned From Church (That Didn’t Prove True And What I Am Learning Lately)
Alan in Here I am to worship
Jim in Things I Learned from Church
Lew in Grace vs. Works
Paul in Things I Learned From Church (That Didn’t Prove True) and What I’m Learning Lately
Benjamin in Synchroblog – Things I learned from “Church”
Sonja in Things I Leaned From Church
Julie in Faith, Certainty, and Tom Cruise
Aaron in what i learned from the church: hope
Monte in What I learned from church that didn’t ring true
Cindy in i’m too late but here’s what I learned/unlearned about church
John in Syncroblog: Things I Learned From Church That Didn’t Prove True And What I Am Learning Lately – Meme
Guest Blogger: Why I Said Church Hurts
A few days ago, someone left a very poignant anonymous comment on my blog. In response, I asked this person to email me. After reading her story, I’ve asked if I can share it here, and she has graciously allowed me to do that.
As you read this story, I hope you will listen carefully to what is being said. People are hurting all around us, and God has put us in their lives to help and encourage them. We are here to bring glory to God by caring for his people. Perhaps someone that you are acquainted with is hurting just like this sister.
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Why I Said Church Hurts
by Mrs. Anonymous
In a recent anonymous post, I summarized my family’s experiences with church by saying that ‘church hurts’. That’s a strong statement, and maybe one that needs explanation. So I will attempt to briefly describe some of the circumstances that have led up to my comments. My intent is not to unload a ‘laundry list’ of gripes with my church. My hope is that in reading our story, some may find comfort that they are not alone in their own pain, and also, that perhaps leaders in churches will be reminded that their true calling is to tenderly nurture the believers in their midst, not to build programs, structures, attendance, or budgets.
First of all, let me say that I dearly love Christ, and I love His children. I believe in His design for the church– individual, uniquely gifted members ministering to one another with the goal of seeing one another grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ. And I praise God for those few precious people He has brought into my life, who love Christ, and encourage me in the ‘fight of faith’. I can’t imagine life without their love. And so yes, I do have some interaction with the body of Christ that is very positive and loving and healing. But most of that occurs with friends who are outside of what we call our ‘church’.
In our church, there is a lot of ‘moving and shaking’ going on. Attendance is increasing. Additions are being built. New staff is being hired. Our image is one of ‘excellence’ (and image is very important). All this is exciting, and there is lots of enthusiasm for all that God is doing. But I look around each Sunday and wonder how many people are just pasting on a smile, hiding their hurts, believing they don’t really matter. Like my family does……
In our church, even though we have verbalized our financial situation more than once, there is no understanding of why my husband works so many Sundays and often misses church. Though the leaders are aware that he works upwards of eighty hours a week, at three different jobs, to meet the most basic needs of our family, their focus has not been on encouraging him, but rather on ‘reminding’ him of the importance of church attendance. It has been implied, subtly, and more overtly, that if we have financial problems, it must, at root, be ‘our fault’. I see the weariness in my husband, the disrespect he feels because he isn’t ‘white collar’, and I fear I see a wounding in my husband disguised as a growing indifference toward church.
Our oldest son is in his twenties, and since he moved out of our home a year ago, he hasn’t attended church. Nobody seemed to notice, even though for six years he was ‘faithful’, and even a leader in the youth program. Recently an elder called asking for his mailing address so he could be sent a letter ‘warning’ him that if he didn’t start attending church, he would be removed from the membership list. That letter will be the first attempt leadership has made to ‘reach out’ to him since he left. So, my son finds more caring and acceptance from his unbelieving friends than he does from the church where he was once held up as a ‘model teen’.
My sixteen year old daughter almost died last December. A very rare, life-threatening infection landed her in Intensive Care for over a week. The infection attacked all her organs. An athlete, she faced the possibility of having one or both feet amputated. Our church did respond with prayer, meals brought to us, and a visit from the pastor, for which I was, and remain, grateful. But once our daughter was home, she began processing what she had gone through: the reality of her own mortality, the fear that her weakened body would not return to its pre-illness state, and that she would have to let go of her athletic goals– her dreams. I shared her struggles with a couple leaders, one of which declared that this was probably God’s way of ‘shaking her tree’, and trying to get her attention, as though she had some sin issue that had brought on her illness. So my daughter and I spent a lot of long nights talking and crying together, as she came to terms with what she’d gone through. It was a faith-building time for her, and the church leaders missed their opportunity to be part of it. (By the way, she recovered fully, by God’s mercy, and went on to compete, athletically, at the state level.)
The latest wounds have been directed toward me. Because I gently cautioned against a controversial idea put forth by the women’s leadership board, I was labeled as ‘negative’ and told repeatedly, that I have a ‘heart issue’. I have been warned not to talk through, with my friends, any problems I have with the church, as this is ‘gossip’, even when it’s done in a genuine spirit of seeking clarity and balanced advice from trusted believers. The church leadership has proceeded with a concerted effort to marginalize and minimize my ‘influence’. Disparaging, suspicion-inducing comments about our family have been shared with others, including one of our best friends. If this weren’t all so hurtful, I could almost laugh at the Junior High-esque tactics of those who claim to be the leaders of God’s people. Maybe some day I will laugh. But I won’t laugh for the next family that ‘dares’ to not ‘support’ leadership, and suddenly finds themselves targeted.
So, I know, everyone has anecdotal evidence of failures in their church. We have all been hurt or disappointed at times. These are just a few of my stories. I can accept that imperfect people will behave imperfectly. We have had our share of minor church conflicts and issues that we have worked through, or chosen to simply forgive or ignore. In over two decades of being in Christ, we have only belonged to two churches, so we aren’t ‘quitters’. But what do you do when ‘going to church’ hurts more than staying away does? When faith in God’s acceptance, and nurturing, cherishing love for me is easier to maintain at home, than ‘at church’. What do I tell my kids? How do I help them avoid equating the failures of people with an ‘unloving’ God?
We are at a point of leaving the church we now attend. It’s sad. I love the people there. But the leadership seems to have put together a model for growth that doesn’t have room for ‘people like us’. I’m scared to look for a new assembly. I don’t want to get hurt again. And I fear that my fear is going to turn into a self-protective distancing of myself from the God-designed relationships He has in store for me. And by the strength that He supplies, I will resist that tendency. But fear of rejection is a powerful force in alienating people. I often wish we could be a wealthier, ‘stronger’ more ‘put together’ family. That seems to be what a lot of churches are looking for. Oddly different criteria than the weary, burdened, and heavy-laden folks Jesus called to Himself. But I also know that a lot of the struggles God has allowed in our lives have been used by Him to make us more compassionate, sympathetic, God-dependent people. We are in process. We are his workmanship. And praise Him, it’s a work He won’t abandon. He is growing my faith, even while I struggle with my hurts and disappointments. I know that God has not abandoned His church to His children’s foolish ideas of how to ‘manage’ or ‘improve’ or ‘grow’ it. I just struggle with the ‘how’ of living in a time and place where the ‘church’ seems to have moved so far of course. Which I guess, in part, is what Alan’s blog is all about. I am encouraged, strengthened, and provoked to Christlike love through Alan’s writings and the comments of others. Thanks for listening to mine.
E-gathering and E-couragement…
A few days ago, in this comment to my post called “But I have perfect attendance…“, Jeff said:
I thank God you can exhort me and E-gather with me every day even though we are 2000 miles apart.
I appreciate the fact that my writing has exhorted Jeff and others. That is one of the reasons that I write.
Jeff’s comment inspired me to think about “e-gathering”. Is it fitting to consider an electronic medium (such as a blog) a gathering of believers? Is the encouragement that we receive from one another through electronic mediums the same as, or similar to, the encouragement that we receive from other believers when we meet face to face? (Please note that I am not saying that Jeff meant this in his comment. I am simply using his comment as an impetus to think further about these issues.)
The writers of the New Testament recognized that their correspondence (written letters) would have to take the place of face-to-face meetings. In some letters, the authors expected to see the recipients again soon and would continue their relationships face-to-face at that time. In other letters, the writers did not expect to see the recipients again. In some letters, the author already knew the recipients well and had spent a considerable amount of time with them face-to-face. In other letters, the author had never met the recipients face-to-face.
However, in all of these circumstances, it seems that the authors recognized that the words that they wrote were similar in importance to the words they would speak face-to-face. For example, while the author of Hebrews instructed his recipients to “exhort one another every day” (Heb 3:13), he also recognized his own letter as a “word of exhortation” (Heb 13:22). Thus, at least for the author of Hebrews, there was something comparable between the day-to-day and face-to-face communication between believers and his letter. In fact, it seems that in both cases, the result of the communication should be the exhortation of other believers.
Similarly, there are many ways that believers can communicate today even when they are not face-to-face. If I tried to name them all, then I would leave off a few, and the list would be obsolete in a few months because of the advances in personal communication. The type of communication is not important. What is important is that any communication between believers should have the purpose of exhorting one another – that is, encouraging one another toward maturity in Jesus Christ. Thus, blogs and comments and emails, for example, are valid types of communication between believers, just as letters were valid (and still are valid) during the first century.
This does not mean that either letters or electronic communications are a substitute for face-to-face communication between believers. In fact, in many of the letters in the New Testament, the authors expressed their desire to communicate face-to-face instead of through letters. Some authors withheld some communications until they could see the recipients personally.
Similarly, while it is beneficial to communicate with other believers using different mediums in order to encourage one another, these communications do not replace meeting with other believers face-to-face. Remember the letter to the Hebrews. Although he recognized that his letter would be a source of exhortation to his recipients, he also recognized the necessity of day-by-day exhortation that would come through face-to-face meetings with other believers. Both are important.
I do not think that anyone commenting on this blog has suggested that this type of communication and exhortation should replace personal, face-to-face words of edification. I would encourage readers to continue to meet with other believers face-to-face whenever and wherever possible in order to edify one another. This does not negate the benefit of other types of communication as well, including blogs and comments.