Intimate fellowship with strangers?
I love reading posts that I’d wish that I’d written. Arthur at “the voice of one crying out in suburbia” has written one of those called “Incomplete Christians“. Arthur was listening to a famous speaker, author, etc. talk about the “local church”. Arthur agreed with this man’s focus on a local gathering of believers and replied like this:
The local church assembly is vital and eminently Biblical. Those who feel they can just stay home by themselves and be just fine are ignorant of their own need for community and the Bible’s teaching on the fellowship of the saints. So much of the New Testament is written in the context of the local assembly that it is hard to imagine a scenario where Christians gathering together frequently and purposefully is absent.
But, Arthur also started thinking practically about what this man was saying. Why? Because this man normally speaks to an auditorium filled with thousands of people. Is this the kind of local, intimate fellowship that we see in Scripture? Arthur continues:
My concern is that we have so imprinted on our minds what “church” looks like that we can read things like Acts 2:42 and talk about intimate, one-another fellowship and think that we see that in an auditorium of thousands of people… When we look into the New Testament and see where the local assembly is spoken of, what we see is fellowship, intimacy, familial relationships. While folks in huge assemblies… are getting great teaching, teaching I would love to hear every week, are they getting fellowship as well?… Great teaching yes, great fellowship no. At least not the kind of fellowship we see in the local assembly in the New Testament.
I agree with Arthur about the absence of fellowship. Of course, fellowship can be absent from a small group of believers as well, but at least fellowship is possible among a small group. In reality, when we meet with the church, we’re usually together with a bunch of strangers. It is impossible share intimate fellowship with strangers.
I would simply add this question: Is teaching (week in and week out) without an intimate relationship between the teacher and others really “great teaching” from a biblical perspective?
(By the way, if you want to know which “great teacher” Arthur was listening to and talking about, then read his post. I decided to keep the names out of my post in order to keep the post general.)
A Full Week – in the positive sense
This has been a very good week for our family and friends.
On Tuesday night, we were invited to the apartment of four single college men. (We affectionately call them “the boys”.) They cooked barbecue, brunswick stew, grilled corn, and homemade bbq sauce for us. Margaret made potato salad and baked beans. We had a great time fellowshiping with them. It is so exciting to see four single guys practicing hospitality!
On Wednesday night, we were invited to another home. This family was hosting a Bible study this month. They rotate from house to house each month. But, Wednesday night, they were celebrating the husband’s birthday. So, we took part in the celebration. Besides the fellowship we also shared a yummy ice cream cake from Diary Queen!
Also, this week, I had the opportunity to spend time with three young men. It is very exciting to see what God is doing in their lives, and I’m glad that they are letting me be part of that.
We decided to paint our living room, dining room, and kitchen. So last night, we started prepping (cleaning, spackling, sanding, taping, etc.). Some friends invited us to dinner since we were working on our house. What a great gift! We didn’t have to stop to cook dinner! Plus, again, we were able to spend time with some friends.
Then, on top of that, the wife said that she would cook dinner for us tonight, since we would be painting. And, we did paint! We actually started the trim last night. Then, this morning and this afternoon we put two coats of paint on the living room walls. We can’t paint the dining room or kitchen yet, because all of our living room furniture is in those rooms. Hopefully, we’ll be able to shift furniture tomorrow and start prepping and painting the kitching and dining room next week.
So, it has been a full week… in a very positive sense. I’m exciting about what God is doing in our lives and in the lives of the people around us. I wish I could share everything that was going on. For now, we’ve finished painting the living room, and we’re waiting from someone to bring us dinner.
We don’t deserve this goodness and grace.
Donkeys sleeping in the bathtub
According to a commercial on the radio, there is a law in Arizona that makes it illegal to allow a donkey to sleep in your bathtub.
Also, apparently, in Minnesota, there is a law that makes it illegal to cross the Minnesota state line with a duck on your head.
While these laws seem funny and even ridiculous to us, there was probably a good reason for passing the laws in the first place. If we traced the history of these laws, we would probably understand why the laws are on the book. However, while the history may clear things up for us, history will not make the laws make sense today.
Why? Well, most people don’t own donkeys today, much less allow them to sleep in their bathtubs. And, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone with a duck on their head.
But, of course, once a law is on the books, it is difficult to remove it.
The same thing happens with our traditions and practices and rules in the church. For very good reasons, the church begins doing things and begins doing them in certain ways. Eventually, the reasons disappear, but the practices continue.
Eventually, if we’re not careful, those practices become more important to us than who we are as the family of God in Christ. The way we do things becomes more important than the reason we started doing them in the first place. We become defined by our methods instead of being defined by our relationship with God and with one another.
I think we see this today in many aspects of our lives together as the church. We don’t know why we do the things we do or why we act the way we act or why we’re structured the way we’re structured, but someone must have had a good reason to start doing it this way, and we’re familiar and comfortable with these things, so we just let them continue.
But, the silly laws I mentioned at the beginning of this post – laws against donkeys sleeping in bathtubs and wearing a duck on your head – generally don’t affect people today. For many people, their lives will not be changed if the laws remain or are repealed.
But, it is completely different for the church. The things that we do day after day, week after week, year after year, simply because that’s the ways it’s been done, or the ways we’ve been taught, or the ways that have worked before, or even the ways that seem rational and logical… these things affect us as followers of Jesus Christ. They affect our relationship with God and our relationships with one another.
The things that we do or don’t do, the way that we’re structured or not structured, the way that we speak or don’t speak, all of these things work to either build us up toward maturity in Christ, or they hinder our development in Christ.
Laws against donkeys sleeping in the bathtub seem funny and ridiculous to us. But, I wonder if the way we treat one another as the church, the way we set up hierarchies among believers, the way we abandon our responsibilities toward one another and pay others to carry out our responsibilities… I wonder if these things seem funny to God.
Beyond busy nothings
Jonathan is a young, single, college student who is part of our church. He’s started writing articles for our church website at MessiahWF.org. Yesterday, in response to my blog post about Guy’s article “When can we be a church?“, Jonathan wrote the following:
Alan challenged me to get started right away, and instantly a hundred excuses popped into my head. But they were all just the busy nothings I fill my day up with. I do all kinds of things throughout the day that don’t involve people. What if I were to start studying with people, and not for my grade, but for their benefit? What if I were to eat a meal with people, not for my nourishment, but their encouragement?
I eat almost every meal alone. It doesn’t have to be that way. Studying is something we all do (bible and school), and we all do it to the exclusion of others. What if we studied together, sharing what we were learning, challenging one another, and praying for lasting change? (And as a side benefit, “teaching†somebody whatever material you’re required to learn helps you to learn it.)
What if I were to start a Twitter with the various things I’m doing throughout the day, and where I’ll be (even if it’s just relaxing) so that anyone can join me and we can fellowship together?
In a discussion on Facebook, Jonathan said, “What would it take to get us to stop filling our lives with activities and instead fill it with people?”
I’m looking forward to continuing this discussion among the church where God has placed me. In fact, I’m hoping that this moves far beyond conversation.
But I like X
A friend of ours is dealing with addiction. This is not an addiction to illegal substances, but an addiction to legal substances. It is an addiction none-the-less.
Because of some current circumstances, our friend has been separated from this addiction for over a month, and will be separated for several more weeks. Many friends have been trying to help break this addiction. Or friend recently told me, “I don’t want to give up X. It might be good for me, but I like X.”
But I like X.
Isn’t this the source of many of our problems? We refuse to stop doing something because we like it. We refuse to start doing something because we don’t like it. Our likes and dislikes become the deciding factor concerning what we do or don’t do. In reality, we become our own master – our own lord – our own god.
I was reminded of this recently when we read through Philippians:
Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. (Philippians 3:17-21 ESV)
Paul had just told the Philippians that he was willing to give up everything that was important to him – everything that formed his identity even – in order to know Christ.
But, what about those who cling to what they like? Paul says that they are “enemies of the cross of Christ”. I’ll admit it: I’m often an enemy of the cross. It’s true. Many times I choose what I’m going to do based on what I like – my belly becomes my god. And, at that time, I “walk as an enemy of the cross of Christ”.
Of course, there are times when obeying Christ that we do things that we like. It’s not as if the Christian life is all drudgery. In fact, I usually enjoy the things that God wants me to do. However, our “likes” cannot be the deciding factor in the way that we live. When we do some things we like, we may be following Christ. But, when we do some things we like, we may be walking away from Christ.
When I first explained this to my friend, there was very little recognition that this passage could be applied in this situation. My friend refused to be recognized as an “enemy of the cross”. Instead, my friend simply repeated, “But I like X”.
My friend talked to my wife a couple of days ago. In the midst of the conversation, my friend said, “Pray that I would no longer have a desire for X”. This is the first step away from living life based on “But, I like X”.
By the way, I’m not the only person to talk to our friend about this addiction. It’s great to see the community helping someone break this grip on our friend’s life, and it’s great to see our friend finally asking the community for help.
Matthew 18 and Discipline
Two years ago, I wrote a blog post called “Matthew 18 and Discipline“. I remember studying this passage and writing about it while our family was on vacation at the beach. I’m planning to teach from this passage again in a few weeks. I think this passage is about reconciling relationships between two brothers/sisters, not necessarily about “church discipline”.
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Yesterday, in response to my blog post “Local church again…“, a couple of people brought up the question of church discipline as it relates to structure and leadership. As I was thinking through this issue, and as I was reading through several passages about discipline, I found something new – at least, new to me. Now, I am not supposing that this is new to everyone, but since it is new to me, I thought I would post it here in case it was helpful to anyone else.
Here is the Scripture passage:
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17 ESV)
So, here is the interesting part… there are several commands given in this passage, and they are all given to the same person… that is, the person who is sinned against! (Now, before you ask about this, yes, I know that Jesus also says you should go to your brother if he has something against you.) Let’s step through this…
Brother A sins against brother B. Who is responsible for going to whom? Brother B is responsible for seeking reconciliation – that is, the one who is sinned against. In fact, brother B is commanded to go to brother A alone. (The commands that Jesus gives are 2nd person singular imperatives – “go and tell” – thus, they are given to the individual – brother B.)
If brother A does not repent, then who is responsible for taking two or three others? Again, brother B is responsible, and again Jesus commands brother B to carry out this step. (The command that Jesus gives is a 2nd person singular imperative – “take”.)
If brother A still does not repent, then who is responsible for telling the church? Once again, the command is given only to brother B, so the same brother who was sinned against is responsible for telling the church. (The command that Jesus gives is a 2nd person singular imperative – “tell”.)
Finally, if brother A does not repent when brother B tells the church, then who is responsible for treating him “as a Gentile and a tax collector”? Once again, it is brother B. Interestingly, Jesus does not say anything at all about how the two or three witnesses or the church should treat the unrepentant brother. Instead, the brother who is sinned against (that is, brother B) is once again given responsibility for how to treat brother A. (Jesus’ command is given to “you” as a 2nd person singular pronoun – “let him be to you”.) This is perhaps the most interesting point to me.
What does all of this tell me? It tells me that relationships with my brothers and sisters are MY responsibility. They are not the responsibility of other believers. If my brother or sister sins against me, it is MY responsibility (and no one else’s responsibility) to reconcile with my brother or sister. I would even extrapolate this to say that if my brother or sister feels that I have sinned against him or her, then it is MY responsibility (assuming the brother or sister does not approach me first) to reconcile with my brother or sister.
It would seem, if we take Jesus’ words at face value, that church discipline depends upon each believer – that is, discipline is all of our responsibility. Furthermore, neither structure, nor organization, nor leadership are necessary for effective church discipline, at least, not according to this passage. Perhaps, church discipline is not effective because I have not been upholding my responsibilities.
Hospitality – vacancy or no vacancy?
Two years ago, I wrote a post called “Hospitality – vacancy or no vacancy?” God was just beginning to teach our family about the importance of hospitality. In many ways, he is still teaching, and we are just beginning to learn. Hospitality is not natural for us. But, I’ve found that as we open our home to others – in spite of our natural inclinations – God begins to change our heart.
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Hospitality – vacancy or no vacancy?
A couple of weeks ago, some new friends came to visit from out of town. We wanted to be able to offer them a place to spend the night, that is, to offer them hospitality. Unfortunately, we currently do not have bed space for a couple (perhaps we should change this?). However, some friends of ours did open their homes in a true demonstration of hospitality. Because of this, I began to think about hospitality again. What is our responsibility to other believers? What is our responsibility to strangers? I thought that I would start with Scripture (that seems like a good place to start):
Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. (Romans 12:13 ESV)
Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach… (1 Timothy 3:2 ESV)
Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work. (1 Timothy 5:9-10 ESV)
For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. (Titus 1:7-8 ESV)
Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (Hebrews 13:2 ESV)
Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. (1 Peter 4:9 ESV)
These verses translate various words as “hospitality” or “show hospitality”:
1. φιλοξενία (philoxenia) – “hospitality” (noun)
2. φιλόξενος (philoxenos) – “hospitable” (adjective)
3. ξενοδοκÎω (xenodokeo) – “show hospitality” (verb)
Also, I have previously discussed a different verb (Ï€ÏοπÎμπω – propempo) in a post called “Sending with hospitality…” This verb seems to denote sending someone on a journey with help that they may need on the journey. It can even mean accompanying them on their journey.
Etymologically, the words above for “hospitality” are built on roots meaning “loving strangers” or “thinking about strangers”. However, we know that etymology (looking at the source of words) does not always tell us the meaning of a word.
So, what do the Scriptures above tell us about hospitality? Well, for one thing, hospitality should be demonstrated toward those we know and toward those we do not know (strangers). Hospitality should be a characteristic of elders and widows (who would normally be older), but it should also be a characteristic of all believers. Attitude is important in showing hospitality – i.e., we should not complain (grumble) about showing hospitality to someone. Also, it seems that hospitality should normally cost us something.
When I look through this short list, without even actually answering the question “What is hospitality?”, I would have to say that I am not a very hospitable person. (This means, of course, that is 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 are “qualification” for elders, then I’m not qualified. But, of course, everyone knew that when they saw the “qualification” of “blameless”.) In fact, I know very few hospitable people. I do not even know many hospitable Christians. Now, I’m sure that I know some, but I think this characteristic has been overlooked and relegated to insignificance for far too long.
I started thinking seriously about hospitality almost three years ago when my family went to Nicaragua for a week. We stayed with a family that would be considered very poor by American standards. Yet, this family gave us their best room to sleep in – with our own private bathroom. They also fed us at least two meals per day – three meals when we were in their home in the evening. They also waited for us to come home each evening in order to spend time talking with us. Now, this “talking” thing was very interesting, and they also showed hospitality in this. I know a little Spanish (I can say, “This is my pencil” and “Where is the bathroom?”) and they knew a little English. But, each night, they provided ways for us to communicate. Two evenings, they invited friends who spoke more English to come over. For the remaining evenings, they purchased a Spanish-English dictionary.
What did I learn from this experience? I learned that hospitality is costly, and that I do not practice hospitality. Has anyone else been the recipient of hospitality? If so, please tell us about it and tell us what you learned.
Prone to wander…
Last Sunday, as we gathered around the campfire with the church, we talked about several topics. At one point, we sang the hymn “Come Thou Fount”, which includes the following words:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
Singing this hymn led to a great discussion of sin, acceptance, and judgementalism.
It began with someone talking about sin – how we all sin and how we all wander from God. We talked about how Scripture, the Holy Spirit, and other believers help us when we wander away from God.
From there, we talked about the community aspect. If we understand that we all wander away from God from time to time and that we all sin, then the community of faith should be a safe place to confess our sin and to ask for help.
Now, at this point in the discussion, I realized how glad I am that I’m part of a community in which the people discuss the hard issues. Someone brought up that the reason she doesn’t talk about her sin is because she’s afraid of being judged. Someone else said that he always feels that other people are more spiritual than him. Someone else said that she realizes that she often doesn’t know people as well as she should, and so she doesn’t open up to them.
All of these issues are problems in the church – in every church, including our church. But, in most churches, these issues are not discussed. Now, we have a platform and a reason to begin addressing issues such as these. We can start asking one another why someone would be afraid of being judged. We could ask why some may be acting as if they are more spiritual than others. We can ask why we don’t know each other as well as we should, and what we can do to get to know one another better.
All of this started with a simple hymn… one that we’ve sung many times. But, because people had the freedom to talk with one another and to discuss this issue, we as a church are better off – we were helped – we are more healthy and more mature as a group. When the church matures together, we are then able to help one another as each of us is prone to wander…
Living doctrine at the campsite
This weekend, we went camping with the church. Friday evening, several families camped near Falls Lake. A couple of families joined us around the campfire Friday night. The next day, one family had to leave, but two more families camped with us. Several people joined us during the day on Saturday to spend time together at the campsite.
Sunday morning, many people who did not camp came to the campsite to meet together. We sat around the campfire (well, the remains of the campfire), and talked and sang and prayed. We talked about several different topics, but at one point, the discussion turned to Acts 2:42:
And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. (Acts 2:42 ESV)
According to this passage, the early church in Jerusalem devoted themselves to the apostle’s teaching (or doctrine). We talked about how the church often interprets this phrase as “they spent time listening to the apostles teach”. But, as many people pointed out, this simply sentence goes far beyond listening to someone teach.
Yes, the early church continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine, but they did not do this with their ears only; they continued in their lives. They lived what the apostles were teaching them.
As I was listening to my friends sitting around the campfire helping one another understand what it means to live out the doctrine of the apostles, I couldn’t help but remember the previous 48 hours that I had spend with many of my brothers and sisters in Christ. You see, I heard what they were saying Sunday morning, but Friday night and all day Saturday, I SAW them continuing steadfastly in the teachings of the apostles.
It’s one thing to hear someone encourage others to confess their sins, but it’s another thing altogether to have a brother confess his sins to you. It’s one thing to hear an exhortation to love one another, but it’s another thing altogether to see brothers and sisters who want to spend time with one another, who share their food with one another, who help one another around the campsite, who SHOW their love for one another.
As I sat around that campfire Sunday morning, I couldn’t help but praise God for the blessing of community – not community in name only, but true community – a family who loves one and cares for one another. We’re not perfect, and we’re continually seeking to grow closer to God and to one another, but we are a community.
It’s easy to see now why Luke connected “the apostles’ teaching” and “fellowship”. I don’t think you can have one without the other.
(If you’re interested, I’ve posted pictures from our camping weekend on our family blog and in a facebook photo album.)
Fellowship of Faith
A couple of years ago, we started meeting together with people in our home on Saturday evenings. I wrote about the first get-together in a post called “Fellowship of Faith“. This time of gathering informally with other brothers and sisters was very encouraging for me. In the next few weeks, we are going to start doing this again. This time, we’re going to alternate meeting in our home and meeting in the home of two or three other families.
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I probably should have written this post before my last post called “Fellowship of Faith Prayer“, but I didn’t. This post will probably explain why the prayer meant so much to me.
Last night – Saturday – several people came over to our house. There were five families (counting our family). We shared what I would call (and what others there called) “biblical fellowship”. We ate together. We talked to one another. We shared our testimonies and struggles. We prayed for one another. Several people taught, but there was no teaching time. Several people shared how God had convicted them, but there was no confession time. Several people encouraged others, but there was no exhortation time. Instead, we simply came together as brothers and sisters in Christ with no agenda other than interacting with one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. (If that sounds repetitive, it was planned.)
You see, the people that sat around our living room last night came from different parts of the country, and even from different countries. Some have followed Christ for many years; others have not been following him very long. Some are new parents; some do not have children; others have been parents for several years. So, we were a diverse group. However, we shared something in common: we have a “fellowship of faith”, and our hearts were greatly refreshed by our brothers and sisters (Philemon 1:4-7). We share the one body, one Spirit, one hope, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father of all (Ephesians 4:4-6). There is no other commonality that can bind a people together like the fellowship of faith.
We plan to continue inviting people to our home on Saturday evenings. We told the ones who were there last Saturday that they were all welcome to come back at any time. However, we did not want them to think of this as an obligation. Instead, they were welcome to come back whenever they desired to build up other believers and to be built up in return.
I don’t want to talk too much about the particulars of what we did – that’s how “Models, Methods, and Forms” get started. Plus, I expect that next Saturday will be different. Why? Because God is not dead, but living. This week, he may work in people’s lives differently that he did last week. There will be new faces, new struggles, new Scriptures, new exhortations, new mercies. I look forward to that expectantly… and, to be honest, a little anxiously. When we don’t rely on our models, methods, and forms – when we only rely on the Spirit moving and directing his people – we do not know exactly what will happen. But, I do believe that we can trust God to provide what we need.
So, for those who shared their lives with us last Saturday night: Thank you! You greatly encouraged me and my family. For those who may join us this Saturday night: I’m looking forward to how God uses you in my life. I’m also looking forward to how God may use me in your life. Let’s come prepared for “biblical fellowship” and let’s live together this Spirit enabled “fellowship of faith”.