A Random Convenience Store
Yesterday, Christmas Eve, we spent the day with my family. We had lunch with my Mom and Dad, and with my brother and his family. We needed some ice, so Margaret and I went down the road to a local convenience store to buy a bag. This was a normal convenience store combined with a chain gas station. (I honestly don’t remember which gas station.)
There were two employees in the store, both of them men. The oldest of the two men was wearing a “Santa” hat, and was helping an elderly lady pick out a bottle of wine at a wine display. When the lady had picked out her bottle of wine – the bottle that was recommended by the employee – they walked up to the counter together. She asked how much the wine cost, and also handed the man two bottles of coke (in glass bottles!).
The man, “We talked about this already. This is our Christmas gift to you. There’s no charge for the wine or for the cokes.”
The lady protested slightly, as you must do in the South, and then began proclaiming, “I love y’all! I just love y’all so much!”
Meanwhile, I was standing in line at the cash register where the other employee was working. The lady in front of me wanted to by a car wash. She said that she had not bought gas because she had a full tank, but she was traveling through town and wanted to get a car wash. The man rang up the lower price for her (as if she had bought gas), and then he reached beneath the counter to get her car wash code.
“Oh, no!” he said, “It says the car wash needs maintenance.”
The other employee said, “I guess I need to fill up the soap.”
The employee at the cash register asked the lady if she could come back in a few minutes. She said she needed to buy a few things, so she would go to a local store and come back for the car wash. He handed her the car wash code and said, “I’m not going to charge you for this. That way, if he doesn’t get the soap filled before you come back, then you’re not out anything, and if he does get it filled, then you can just consider it a Christmas gift.”
I bought the bag of ice, thinking about the great example these two employees demonstrated. I don’t know if these two men are Christians are not, but they showed that they cared more about people than about their business. They were more concerned with being good neighbors than making a buck. We need to see – and be – more examples like this.
As I walked out of the store, the elderly lady was still saying, “I just love y’all so much!”
Considering Mutuality – Implications for ‘Non-Leaders’
So far in this series, I’ve introduced the topic of mutuality (“Considering Mutuality – Introduction“), contrasted mutuality with both individualism and collectivism (“Considering Mutuality – Individualism and Collectivism“), demonstrated that the concept of mutuality is prevalent in the New Testament (“Considering Mutuality – Where in Scripture?“), and explored the scriptural connection between mutuality and maturity for believers (“Considering Mutuality – And Maturity?“). Finally, in my previous post in this series, I discussed some of the implications of living mutually interdependent lives for leaders among the church (“Considering Mutuality – Implications for leaders”).
There are many, many among the church who desire to live mutually interdependent relationships with other believers, and who recognize the importance of these relationships for the maturity of the church. However, these people are not considered “leaders” among the church. They are not elders, or deacons, or pastors, or teachers, or whatever other titles the church may use to recognize leaders. What do these people do? Is it hopeless? Must they “leave their church” in order to find and nurture these kinds of mutually interdependent relationships?
The simple answers are: No, it is not hopeless, and no, they do not have to “leave their church” in order to live mutually with one another.
However, they many need to become leaders. What?!?!? Am I saying that people will need to become elders or pastors for their church in order to seek and see these mutual relationships? No. That’s not what I said.
Instead, I said that they may need to become leaders… meaning, they may need to lead others in forming mutually interdependent relationships. They may need to become the examples that others will need in order to recognize the importance of mutuality.
I get calls and emails from believers all the time. I meet with people for lunch. And, eventually, a question like this comes up: “But, how do I begin to form and live in this kind of relationship with others when our church and church leaders don’t seem interested? Should I leave my church?”
I have never suggested that someone “leave their church” for this reason. Instead, I encourage people to begin forming and living in relationships with those people who are already in their lives. They may know these people through church organizations, work, neighborhoods, etc. Eat together. Serve together. Get together. Play games together. Go to movies together. Help one another.
Invite your church leaders to your house and spend time with them outside of the “formal programs” of the church. Relate to them as brother and sister. Ask them about their problems and concerns and hopes and struggles etc.
In other words, if you want live mutually with others, then you may need to “lead” in this type of relationship. Share your life with others and provide opportunities for others to share their lives with you. And… be PATIENT! People do not naturally think mutually. You may need to listen to others for months, years, decades before they start listening to you. You may need to care for others for a long time before they start caring for you.
But, that’s okay… even though it is very difficult. The goal of mutuality and maturity in Christ is worth the hard work… and it IS hard work. In fact, once there is a group of people living mutually with one another, the hard work remains.
But, mutuality and maturity are worth the hard work. And, remember, you are never working along. In fact, you are never working at all… you are simply allowing the Holy Spirit to work through you doing the work that he already wants to do.
Can We Talk?
Two years ago, after watching a Kleenex commercial (of all things), I started thinking about talking and listening. I wrote a blog post called “Can We Talk?” recognizing that people like to talk about themselves and their interests. But, the “one anothers” of Scripture demonstrate that we should listen at least as much as we talk.
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Have you seen the Kleenex commercials with the tag line “Let it out”? The man on the street with a box of tissue and big sofa can apparently get anyone to talk. This ad campaign has me thinking about communication and conversation.
My wife, Margaret, has always said that I can talk to anyone. In a way, she’s correct, because I’ve learned to ask people about themselves. People like to talk about themselves. They like to talk about their families and their past and their home town and their favorite sports team and their hobbies. So, as I learn about people, I simply ask them questions about the topics that they bring up. In other words, I let people talk about themselves.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t ask people about themselves simply so that they will talk. I am genuinely interested. I like to hear people’s stories and I like to hear how God is working in their lives, and so I ask people about themselves. I’ve learned alot about people that they probably would not normally express simply by asking questions about them.
Occasionally, I get emails from people who read my blog. That’s a good thing. I put my email address on my sidebar several months ago because I wanted people to be able to communicate with me if they wanted to ask questions and make a statement without doing so publicly.You’ve seen some of those emails published here as “guest blog” posts. I always ask permission before I publish anyone’s email. When I get these emails and answer any questions that I can answer, I always ask the person if they would share something about themselves. Almost everyone who emails me responds to my question. Again, people like to talk about themselves.
I think that this is the key to the Kleenex ad campaign. Kleenex knows that people like to talk about themselves, and they are simply giving people an outlet to do just that. It works, by the way. Give people an opportunity, and they will gladly express themselves. Of course, someone has to be willing to listen and genuinely interested in hearing what the person has to say.
This type of communication and conversation is very important. For believers, most of the “one anothers” of Scripture are based on some type of communication. In order to consider one another, stir up one another to love and good works, encourage one another, submit to one another, etc. we must be willing to listen to what one another has to say. Perhaps “listen to one another” is the foundational unspoken “one another” of Scripture. But, I think, “listen to one another” is actually assumed in “love one another”. If we love one another, we will want to hear what the other person thinks, feels, dreams, experiences, believes, fears, etc.
But, this is where the rub comes. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. But, who is willing to suppress their own desire in order to allow another person to talk about themselves? You see, listening to one another actually goes against human nature. We like to talk about ourselves; we don’t automatically like to listen to other people talk about themselves. We like to control the conversation; we don’t necessarily like to listen to other people talk. We like to choose the categories and topics; we don’t necessarily like for other people to drift into “taboo” areas.
In reality, we are less like the guy in the Kleenex commercial, and more like Mike Myers’ character Linda Richman in the Saturday Night Live skit “Coffee Talk”. Linda liked to control the conversation – which usually revolved around Barbara Streisand, her favorite person. It didn’t matter who was the guest on Linda’s fake talk show, they always talked about Linda’s interests. Even when Linda got too emotional and couldn’t talk, she wanted to control the conversation by offering a topic. If you’re too young to have seen this skit, or if you don’t remember it, trust me, it was good, like buttah.
I think this may help explain why many relationships are rather shallow. Everyone wants to talk about themselves, but few are willing to listen. Also, I think this explains why unbelievers do not want to talk to Christians. When a Christian says to an unbeliever, “Can we talk?” the unbeliever knows that the Christian really means, “I want to tell you why you’re wrong and what you should believe”. In fact, I think many people have learned the correct answers to certain questions just in case a Christians decides to “talk” to them. Some of these people probably even think they are Christians because they know these correct answers. But, since so few people are willing to listen, those people may have never truly expressed themselves and their own beliefs.
Can we consider others better than ourselves and humble ourselves in order to listen instead of talk? I’m certainly not perfect in this area, and often find myself trying to control a conversation. But, thinking through things like this help me to remember to God values people, and I should as well. God listens to my prayers, and I should be willing to listen to other people too.
You’ll have to excuse me. I’m a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic…
Love is the command; the command is love
Dave Black makes the following statement (concerning 1 John) on his blog (Tuesday, November 24, 8:17 am):
The study of love and its ethics of obedience remains very much on my personal agenda, and I have not yet slaked my thirst for the brilliant analysis offered by John. Love, for John, is the transference of one’s loyalties from the present kingdom of man to the coming kingdom of God. Love binds us to Jesus Christ and then thrusts out into the world for whom Christ died, back into the darkness, back into real relationships with real pain. Love is not fully Christian unless it is love for the world.
As John says (for example, see 2 John 5-6), the command from God is to love one another, and love one another is God’s command. We obey God when we love others.
But, what does it mean to love others? Our understanding of love – at least the kind of love that God desires from us and works through us – is the same kind of love that God demonstrated toward us – going, giving, serving, humble, sacrificing love. This is how we know what love is, and this is the kind of love that God works through us.
What about other kinds of love? Well, they may be good in some circumstances, but affection or warm feelings are not God’s love. In fact, even professed love is lacking unless it is accompanied by going, giving, serving, sacrificial action.
Its easy to talk about love and to study love and even to teach or preach about love. Its harder to love. But, love is the command.
Proclaim, Teach, Serve
In my previous post, “The Birth of the Church Demonstrates its Purpose,” I commented on Graham H. Twelftree’s conclusion that the church was born in the ministry of Jesus when he called the twelve apostles. The church continued the ministry of Jesus (according to the Book of Acts) after his ascension again through the work of the apostles, then later through all followers of Jesus.
But, as I said, Twelftree’s conclusion affects more than the origin of the church. Instead, the church’s origin indicates its purpose (or mission). Thus, if the church began in the ministry of the Jesus and continued the ministry of Jesus through the apostles, then the church should be continuing the ministry of Jesus. What should this ministry look like? What does it entail?
If Twelftree is correct, then the church’s understanding of its mission should begin in the Gospels. In my previous post, I mentioned that I have been considering this over the last few months because of our study of Matthew. For example, consider these passages where Matthew describes Jesus’ earthly ministry:
And he went throughout all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction among the people. (Matthew 4:23 ESV)
And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. (Matthew 9:35 ESV)
Each of these sentences are part of summary sections in which Matthew describes Jesus ministry. Between these two passages we see examples of Jesus teaching, proclaiming the kingdom, and healing.
Immediately following the Matthew 9:35, Jesus appoints the apostles and sends them out to do the same things that he had been doing:
These twelve Jesus sent out, instructing them, “Go nowhere among the Gentiles and enter no town of the Samaritans, but go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. And proclaim as you go, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. (Matthew 10:5-8 ESV)
Thus, the apostles’ mission was the same as Jesus’ earthly mission.
If Twelftree is correct that we are given the same mission, then we can see from these passages that our mission is three-fold: proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God, teaching, and healing. Note, I’ve changed “healing” to “serving” because we cannot control whether or not someone is healed. However, we can serve and care for people even when they are not healed. (For example, see Jesus’ positive expression of love expressed through service in the parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10:25-37.)
There is a danger in listing a three-fold purpose like this. In our minds, its easy to categorize these three purposes and separate them. However, from the narrative of Matthew 4-9 especially (where we see Jesus modeling all three), we can see that the three-fold purpose must not be separated. We cannot separate proclaiming from teaching or serving, or separate teaching from proclaiming or serving, or separate serving from proclaiming or teaching.
Yes, there will be times when proclaiming is more prominent and times when teaching is more prominent and times when serving is more prominent. But, the mission remains three-fold, not separate. And we miss the purpose when only one or two parts of the three-fold are considered more important and given special emphasis.
Proclamation without teaching and service is not proclamation. Teaching without proclamation and service is not teaching. Service without proclamation and teaching is not service. The three go together and should be seen as interwoven and interlocked as the church’s purpose and mission.
Also, when I say “the church’s mission,” I also mean each Jesus follower’s mission. We cannot reduce the church’s purpose to an organizational purpose, but the purpose should be recognized as the purpose and mission of each believer. The question is not: is someone among the church carrying out each part of the mission. Instead, the question is: Am I carrying out each part of the mission.
Church Life #11 – A member of the family
This series is about our life with the church as we attempt to live together as brothers and sisters. (For a more detailed description of this series, see my post “Church Life – A New Series.”)
The last few weeks have been emotionally draining for me and my family. Margaret, my wife, has been sick for a couple of weeks, and is still trying to shake a lingering cough.
Then, as I wrote in my post “Has it really only been 24 hours,” a friend of ours took his life just over a week ago. (I’ll call him J.) We met him about a year ago as we spend time in “The Neighborhood.” In the last week, I’ve spent time with some of his family members and talked to others on the phone.
His aunt is a good friend of our from the Neighborhood. She asked if I would speak about J. during his funeral service. The funeral home chaplain was conducting the service, but the family wanted someone that knew J. to speak as well. I agreed.
I talked to J.’s aunt about what I wanted to say, and I spoke with the chaplain. He was happy to work me into the service, since he didn’t know J.
Everything was going fine until 10 minutes before I was planning to leave my office to drive to the funeral. The funeral home chaplain called me and said, “Something has come up. I can’t do J.’s funeral. Can you do it?”
I didn’t know the plans. I didn’t know what music the family wanted. I didn’t know if anyone else was speaking. But, of course, I agreed to do the service.
Why? Because I loved J. and I loved his family. I’m especially close to his aunt, and I wanted to do anything that I could for them.
I talked about J. and his aunt and spending time with them. I talked about their love for one another and their family. I talked about how J. trusted God in spite of the darkness and pain of his life. I reminded them about how King David struggled with the pain of life as well, but was still a man after God’s own heart.
I encouraged the family to love one another and to trust God during this time. I agreed with them that we didn’t understand why J. would choose to take his own life. But, I also told them that we can trust God in spite of our lack of understanding. I reminded them of the good news that we have in Jesus Christ.
After the service (which was short), several family members thanked me for speaking about J. They said that they could tell that I knew him, and they really appreciated what I said.
I was talking on the phone with J.’s aunt a couple of days later and she said, “Our family was talking about what you said at J.’s funeral. We really needed to hear what you said. We’ve decided that you’re now a member of the family.”
I can’t think of a better compliment. I’m praying that God allows me to spend more time with my new family, helping them (and being helped by them) trust God and follow Jesus. For me, this is part of church life.
(Some of my regular readers know that our family has been frustrated in our desires to get to know our neighbors better. It turns out that two of J.’s family members live in our neighborhood. Please pray for continued interaction with them.)
Facebook Stati Ecclesiae
When I update my Facebook statuses (stati?), they usually fall under one of four categories:
1. Links to my blog posts.
2. Something humorous.
3. Things that I’m doing or have done.
4. Something about the church.
Sometimes, my status updates about the church lead to good discussions. Here are some Facebook statuses that I’ve written recently about the church:
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1. “Members expected. Visitors welcome.” (from a sign in front of a church building) huh? If you’re getting together with us only because you think its expected of you, then you may as well stay home.
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2. (From a discussion about discipleship…) “The church is full of Ethiopian eunuchs.” What do you think that statement means? Do you agree or disagree?
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3. Quote from SYTYCD (“So You Think You Can Dance”) that every believer should be able to say about the church: “Everyone in my family has affected who I am in one way or another.”
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4. “Exhort one another daily”… but today is Tuesday… What if I only see them on Sunday?
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5. “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” hmmmm… which one will I demonstrate today?
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6. Both the priest and the Levite thought they loved the injured man, but only the Samaritan truly loved him.
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7. Wednesday night worship service and church activities = milking goats for our friends while they are out of town.
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8. Are you a child of God? Then also consider yourself an ordained minister and missionary. Now, live accordingly.
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9. If you can’t replace the word “ministry” with the word “service”, then you’re not using the word “ministry” in the same sense as Scripture.
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10. Get out of “the ministry” and start ministering.
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11. Today, the church agreed that there will be coffee shops in the new heavens and new earth. However, we quickly divided concerning the style / brand / roast of coffee that would be served.
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12. The Lord’s Supper (intended to demonstrate our unity around a common table, among other things) is too often used to divide.
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13. If the church in my house meets the church in your house while we’re all in the park, do we become the church in the park, or two churches in the park?
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14. Discipleship requires sharing life. If you are preaching/teaching but not sharing your life, then you are not making disciples.
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15. Spiritual maturity occurs primarily in community… and community can’t happen one or two days a week.
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Well, there you have it… fifteen Facebook status updates… numbered for your convenience. Feel free to comment on any or all and to add your own thoughts.
“Folks got to cry together before they’re friends”
I received this email from a reader in response to my post “Has it really only been 24 hours?” I was given permission to publish it here:
Your post made me think of a quote I read just this morning in William Barclay’s commentary on Romans.
He tells an anecdote about a woman commenting on the difference between friendship and acquaintance, which includes this:
“We’ve laughed together, and we’ve talked together, but we’re just acquaintances. You see, we ain’t never shed no tears. Folks got to cry together before they’re friends.”
Thank you for your blog. It has been a great blessing to me in many ways. In the past year or so, some of our congregation have been making friends with residents of a low-income area of our city. It is helpful to read of your experiences and reactions.
Has it really only been 24 hours?
Yes, 24 hours ago my phone rang. I had come home from work a few hours before. Margaret and I drove our foster dog to a small town between Wake Forest and Henderson to meet his new family. The family loved him, and they decided to adopt him. Margaret and I drove back home and had a quick dinner.
I was tired. Very tired. Then the phone rang.
It was Mrs. Peggy. She lives in “The Neighborhood” where my family has spent time during the last 18 months getting to know the residents and serving them in different ways. When my friend Cathy first introduced me to her just over a year ago, Mrs. Peggy was getting ready to have surgery on her ear because she had cancer. She was a “member” of a local church, but she said she rarely heard from them. As a church and as her friends, we were able to pray for her, take her to doctor’s appointments, get her a special pillow that would be less painful, rake her leaves, and sing Christmas carols to her.
But, when she called me last night, I wasn’t thinking about any of that. I was thinking that I was tired. She wasn’t thinking about any of that either. She was thinking exactly what she said to me: “Jerry left home, and we don’t know where he is. I’m afraid that he wants to hurt himself.” Jerry is Mrs. Peggy’s 39 year old nephew and neighbor. We first heard about Jerry when Mrs. Peggy asked us to pray for him and a legal situation with his family. Later, she asked if I would drop in and introduce myself to Jerry because he was lonely.
I’ve talked with Jerry several times. He struggled with depression; he knew it, and he would talk to me and Mrs. Peggy about it. When she called me, she told me that he had tried to overdose on anti-depressant medication a few weeks ago. Some family members found him, and they were able to get him to the hospital. But, now, Jerry had left home, and they were afraid that he was going to try to hurt himself again.
I wish I could say that I rushed over to spend time with Mrs. Peggy. I didn’t. All I could think about was how tired I was. I told her that I would come by and see her the next day.
A couple of hours later, I left the house to pick up my son Jeremy at the local ice rink where he went skating with some friends. On the way to pick him up, I passed close to Mrs. Peggy’s house. I thought about her waiting there alone, hoping and praying that Jerry would return safe. When I picked up Jeremy, I was supposed to take him to a friend’s house to spend the night. I told him about the phone call from Mrs. Peggy and asked if we could stop by her house first (if she was still awake). He said, “Yes.” (I’m glad my son is more caring than I was.)
When we drove by her house, I could see her sitting in her recliner through the front window, so we stopped. While we were there, she told us about Jerry and about her childhood and about how worried she was. Jeremy and I both hugged her and prayed with her before we left.
The next morning (this morning), I went to Mrs. Peggy’s house again. Her daughter was with her this time. They had still not heard from Jerry. The police and other family members were looking for him. They were hoping and praying that they would find him in a homeless shelter and that he would come back home soon. I helped her get something to eat, and washed her dishes. Before I left, I asked them to call me if they heard anything from Jerry, and I told Mrs. Peggy that I would check on her soon.
I left Mrs. Peggy’s and went to the nursing home to visit Mrs. Jenny. We had not seen her in a long time because of sickness and travel. While I was talking with Mrs. Jenny, my phone rang, but I let it go to voice mail.
When I left the nursing home, I checked my voice mail. It was Mrs. Peggy’s daughter. They had found Jerry’s body. I could hear Mrs. Peggy crying loudly in the background.
When I got back to Mrs. Peggy’s house, there were alot of people there: relatives, police, firemen… I knelt in front of her and hugged her, and she just cried into my shoulder for a long time. I told her I loved her, and that God loved her. I wanted to do so much more… to say so much more… but there was nothing else that I could do, and it wasn’t the time to say anything else.
This is the second time within a year that someone I met in that neighborhood had decided to take their own life. On the one hand, it makes me want to stop spending time in the neighborhood. Dealing with things like this is heartbreaking, oppressive, discouraging…
But, on the other hand, I think the most important thing that I’ve done in the last year… perhaps longer… is to kneel down in front of Mrs. Peggy, let her cry in my shoulder, and tell her that I loved her and that God loved her. In that sorrowful, painful, heartbroken moment… God was present.
Dave Black gives a “faculty lecture”
At Southeastern Seminary, one faculty member is invited to give a “faculty lecture” each semester. This semester, it was Dave Black‘s turn.
Usually, the “faculty lecture” involves reading (or presenting) a paper that the faculty member has recently written, perhaps specifically for this lecture. Dave didn’t read a paper. Instead, he used this opportunity to exhort the students and others in attendance to consider themselves full-time missionaries.
His “lecture” was called “Jesus the Model Missionary” (based in Matthew 9:35-38). Dave encouraged the students to use Jesus’ model in Matthew for their own model. They should go to the cities and the villages. They should teach, preach the gospel, and care for people’s needs.
Dave used his family’s experiences in Ethiopia (and other parts of the world) as examples. For those who have heard Dave and BeckyLynn Black speak about their service in Ethiopia, this lecture was nothing new. However, for those who still think of missionaries as a special class of Christians, perhaps Dave’s “lecture” encouraged them to see themselves as sent by God into the harvest fields.