Helping a brother or sister who is struggling
In yesterday’s post, “Where there is much activity, but very little progress,” I asked a few questions about being busy with different things but not maturing in Christ. The problem, of course, is that we often think we are busy with the things of God – we think that we are following Jesus Christ. So, it can be difficult to recognize that we are not.
When I saw the video below, it reminded me of this scenario. Now, when you watch the video, it’s easy to point a finger at the cleaning lady and talk about how stupid she seems to be for not recognizing the problem. But, while you watch it, think about the people around her and how they respond (or do not respond) to her.
Of course, in my scenario, the person is not disconnected from Jesus Christ, but the imagery is similar.
In the video, at least two people notice her problem: the man who walks past her twice and the person who is recording the video. But, apparently, neither one of them help her.
Now that you’ve watched the video, consider this question: How should the body of Christ respond to a sister in Christ who finds herself in this situation (spiritually)?
Take teaching out of the general and academic realm and into the realm of life
I watched the young man sitting across from me swirl around the last of his coffee in his cup. I had first “met” him a couple of weeks before through email, when we contacted me and said he wondered if I had to time to get some coffee with him. He wanted to talk about some of the blog posts that I had written about fellowship and church.
For the last few minutes, he had talked about himself and his wife and their newborn daughter. I learned about his two part time jobs, his extended family in another state, and the joys and struggles of parenthood. I had just said, “So, in your email, you said you wanted to talk about some of my blog posts about church and fellowship? What did you want to talk about?”
This is when he paused and looking into his coffee cup while thinking silently to himself. When he looked up, he began apologetically, “I don’t want you to think that I don’t like my church or my pastor. I think he’s a great preacher, and his sermons are very inspiring and scriptural. I agree with everything that he says.”
He stopped again and looked into his coffee cup. “But, everything related to church these days is beginning to remind me of my college classes. I’m getting tons of information that may or may not pertain to me and my family. I listen to the sermons or Bible study lessons, and I leave very excited about what I heard. Then when I get home to a screaming baby in the middle of the night after a long day at work, I don’t really care. Oh, I care about God, and I can tell that he is with me, but all the lessons and sermons just seem so…” He didn’t say the word that he was thinking.
I think he was surprised that I was smiling at him. “What you’re describing,” I said, “is the kind of teaching described in Scripture. You can call it ‘discipleship’ if you want. It’s not the kind of teaching that is presented from a lectern. It’s the kind of teaching that is offered in the middle of the night when someone is helping you with a screaming baby. What you’re looking for is the kind of teaching that is intimately connected with fellowship in the Holy Spirit – real relationships between people who share their lives with one another.”
“That’s why I emailed you,” he said. “You kept writing about sharing our lives in Christ with one another and how everything else related to the church comes from that. I don’t even know what that would look like.”
“I don’t either,” I answered the question he didn’t ask.
“What do you mean? You write about it all the time,” he countered.
“I write about sharing my life with my brothers and sisters in Christ, and how they share their lives with me. I write about what God is doing through us and in us together. But, I can’t tell you what that will look like for you. While there will be some general consistencies, the specifics will be different.”
“But,” I continued, “it begins with your relationship with God and with sharing that relationship with other people who God brings into your life by actually inviting them into your life – even in the middle of the night when your daughter is screaming.”
A day at the beach with the church
Yesterday (Sunday, May 20, 2012), we spent a day at the beach with the church. We’ve done this regularly (usually once in the summer) for the last few years. One of the families will plan the outing and those who can will join them at Wrightsville Beach, near Wilmington, NC.
It’s about a 2 1/2 hour drive from our house to the beach. We left just after 7:00 a.m., picked up a few friends, and drove down. I think we spent about 6 hours hanging out, talking, playing in the sand and water, playing volleyball, and even paddling around in a kayak.
It was supposed to rain all day. But, it never rained! It was overcast until about 2 p.m., then the sun came out for a beautiful and hot afternoon. (Yes, I’m sunburned.)
This year, as a bonus, I was able to meet (in real life) some friends who I originally met here on this blog: Randi (and her family) and their friend Chris. Randi comments here frequently, and Chris has commented in the past. I was able to talk with them for a few minutes, but usually one of my other friends had them cornered and chatting away.
I even when on a run on the beach with two guys. It was first time running in the sand, and the first time running bare foot. (We found out that it’s 1.75 miles between the two piers on Wrightsville Beach.)
This is one “tradition” that I hope we can continue for a long time.
When there is much activity, but very little progress
Have you ever seen a dog chase its tail? We have two dogs, and we are a foster family for the Franklin County Humane Society. So, we see dogs chase their tails all the time. Our Scottish Terrier in particular loves to chase her tail. She spins round and round and round, but never really gets anywhere… even when she catches her tail.
I thought about this a few days ago when my daughter and I were driving into town. The car in front of us decided to move over to another lane to make better time. Soon, the traffic in that lane slowed, and the car shifted back to our lane. In the next two miles, that car changed lanes more than 10 times. At the last traffic light before I turned off the highway, our lane-changing friend was right back where he started: directly in front of me.
Again, as in the case of the dog chasing his tail, that car was very busy – doing alot – but actually made very little (or no) progress.
This can happen in our walk with Christ, too. We can find ourselves very busy, with good things, things that God even wants us to do. But, when it comes down to it, we grow very little. We do not learn to trust God more. We do not find ourselves living in unity more with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We do not find the fruit of the Spirit more apparent in our lives.
Much activity… little progress.
This is the point at which I want to be very careful with this post. It is so easy to start a post like this, and then begin pointing to other people who have problems like this.
It is much harder to see ourselves in this position. But, it happens to all of us. It even happens when we think we’re following the direction of the Holy Spirit. We think we are exactly where God wants us, when, in reality, we’re simply chasing our tail – changing lanes back and forth without moving forward – doing much and go nowhere.
How would you even know it’s happening? What are some different ways that God might use to get your attention to this problem?
When you do recognize the issue, what do you do next?
Scripture… As We Live It #209
This is the 209th passage in “Scripture… As We Live It.”
Nevertheless Unfortunately, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away it would be much better if I could stay with you, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you But, since I cannot stay with you, I guess I will send the Helper, who will be almost as good as having me with you physically. (John 16:7 re-mix)
(Please read the first post for an explanation of this series.)
Replay: Learning to live dependent on God and interdependent on one another
Four years ago, I wrote a post called “Interdependence.” The post was written after a weekend in which I witnessed a man who refused to admit that he needed help and refused to accept help when it was offered (although it was clear that he did need help). That same weekend, I witnessed a friend admit that she needed help and other friends offer help. It reminded me that we are both dependent on God, and interdependent upon one another – as God often works through his children to help one another.
I hope this post is as encouraging to you as the actual experiences were to me.
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Interdependence
As followers of Jesus Christ, we are both dependent upon God, and interdependent upon one another. Unfortunately, society teaches us to be independent – neither dependent nor interdependent. We’re taught to learn for ourselves, fend for ourselves, care for ourselves, earn for ourselves, and do for ourselves. We’re taught not to admit that we need help from anyone nor to accept help from anyone. This is the nature of American society, but it is not the nature of the follower of Jesus Christ – he or she has a new nature.
This point was driven home for me last Friday. Our family arrived at the event location for the North Raleigh / Wake Forest Relay for Life around 5:15 p.m. We were supposed to drop off our canopy, chairs, tables, etc. – which we did. The committee was supposed to pick up our stuff and take it to our site – which they did. I was supposed to park my vehicle – which I did – while my family walked to our site – which they did. Everything was going according to plan.
Except… as soon as I parked our van, it started to rain. It wasn’t a slow sprinkle, it was a gully-washer – at least, that’s what we called it in Alabama. The entire time that I was walking – running – to our event site, I could picture my family standing in the middle of a muddy field getting drenched by the rain. Imagine my surprise when I reached our site to find that two teenagers from a nearby site had come to their rescue! The two young men were helping my wife set up the canopy, and they had pulled all of our equipment under the canopy. Those two teenagers were my heroes that night! After I arrived, I helped them finish setting up the canopy, and we stayed as dry as we could while the rain continued.
Not long after our canopy was set up, another team arrived at the site next to ours. The team – at this time – consisted of a mother, her teenage daughter, and two or three more teenage girls. My family helped them spread their canopy over their stuff. We offered to help them raise their canopy, but they said they didn’t want to raise it yet. Instead, they stood under some umbrellas and waited for the husband to arrive.
When the husband arrived, I again went over and offered assistance. I told him that some boys from a neighboring site had helped us, and that we would love to help them set up their canopies – they actually had two. He said no. He didn’t need the help, but thank you anyway.
We watched and listened as he struggled to raise the canopy in the wind and rain. He was obviously getting frustrated because his family was not doing things the way he thought they should be done. They often spoke loudly – shouted – at one another as they tried to raise the two canopies and keep their stuff dry at the same time.
When the shouting had subsided for a moment, and when tempers seems to settle a little, I again walked over and asked if I could help. He said… and I quote… “No, we like to fight while we do this.” I told him that I would be glad to help, if he decided he needed anything. Then, I walked back to my canopy.
As I think back over this encounter, I recognize the church acting in this stubborn, independent manner many times. It seems that even believers have the attitude that they can do everything by themselves and they don’t need any one’s help. It often appears that many feel that asking for help or accepting help from others is a sign of weakness or spiritual immaturity.
This is such a travesty and a misunderstanding of what it means to be brothers and sisters in Christ. God provides us with relationships with one another so that we can love one another, accept one another, help one another, give to one another, and serve one another. We cannot make it through this life alone – at least, we cannot live the way God wants us to live alone. We need God, and we also need one another. Independence may be an American virtue, but it is a Christian vice.
The next day, Saturday, my family was helping one our young, single, female friends move. (I mentioned this briefly in my post called “Weekend of Service“.) A few weeks before, this young lady began telling people that she needed help finding a place to live. Another family asked if she would like to live with them. They shuffled their boys’ bedrooms so that our friend could have a room to herself, and Saturday afternoon, a bunch of us got together, packed up her belongings, and moved her into their house.
After unloading all of the boxes, another friend brought dinner for everyone. While I was sitting there enjoying a homemade meatball sub, I remembered the encounter with the man who refused to acknowledge that he needed help, and refused to accept help when it was offered. What a stark contrast to my friends, one of whom acknowledged that she needed help and accepted the help that was offered, and a family who was willing to put their own comforts aside and offer help.
This is a beautiful picture of God’s family. Brothers and sisters recognizing their complete dependence upon God and willing to live interdependent upon one another. That evening, I couldn’t help but thank them and praise God for the example of community that he had shown me that day.
But how do I return to church?
This post is part of a short series based on Jeremy Myer’s (from “Till He Comes“) book project “Finding Church.” Jeremy asked for contributions in the categories of Changing Church, Leaving Church, Reforming Church, and Returning to Church. As I worked through my own contribution, I realized that my story could fit into any of the categories. So, I’m writing a post based on each category.
This post describes my experience “returning to church.” This is the hardest category for me to write about, because my story fits into this category less than the others. This is how Jeremy describes the category of “Returning to Church”: “These are stories of people who returned to church after years of being away.”
Why is it difficult to fit my own journey into this category? Well, as I wrote in the other posts (“changing churches,” “leaving church,” and “reforming the church“), I have left the idea of church as organization, institution, or hierarchy – I’ve left any “church” other than church as God’s people gathered together. I am not returning to this kind of “church.”
Also, as I explained in the other posts, when I was saved by Jesus Christ, welcomed into God’s family, and indwelled by the Holy Spirit, I became part of the church that is the gathering of God’s people, the body of Christ, the temple of the Holy Spirit. I cannot leave this church, which means that I cannot return to this church either.
So, how is “returning” part of my journey at all? Well, there is one way…
While I am not returning to the organizations and institutions that are often referred to as “church,” I can return to the believers who remain part of those organizations. As I’ve written previously, these believers are my brothers and sisters in Christ just as much as those who are not part of the organizations and institutions. When I share my life with “one another,” that must include them, or I am the one being divisive.
Of course, there’s always the chance that those brothers and sisters in Christ will not want anything to do with me. They may not want to fellowship with me. They may decide to separate from me. There is nothing that I can do about that. Instead, it must be my desire to fellowship with them and live in peace with them. And, I must be ready and willing to “return” to them at any point they may be ready. Or, if I find that I have been the one separating from them, then I must be willing to humble myself, admit my own divisiveness, and “return” to them.
All who are in Christ are part of the family of God together. We are all part of the body of Christ. We are all indwelled by the Holy Spirit. Too many things historically, culturally, organizationally, etc. separate us from one another. It’s time to “return” to one another and, as Paul wrote, be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit.” (Ephesians 4:3 ESV)
Let’s return to our brothers and sisters in Christ… all of them.
Love your enemies… an ideal or a way of life?
Thanks to Robert from “Abnormal Anabaptist” for pointing out the story of Dirk Willems in his post “This Day In History: Love Your Enemy.”
Robert’s post points us to an article called “Compassion for the Enemy.” It includes a small part of the story of Dirk Willems who was burned to death in 1569.
Willems escaped from a palace where he had been imprisoned. The quote below tells what happened after a guard spotted him:
Seeing him escape, a palace guard pursued him as he fled. Dirk crossed the thin ice of a pond, the “Hondegat,” safely. His own weight had been reduced by short prison rations, but the heavier pursuer broke through.
Hearing the guard’s cries for help, Dirk turned back and rescued him. The less-than-grateful guard then seized Dirk and led him back to captivity. This time the authorities threw him into a more secure prison, a small, heavily barred room at the top of a very tall church tower, above the bell, where he was probably locked into the wooden leg stocks that remain in place today. Soon he was led out to be burned to death.
Yes, for Willems, “Love your enemy” was more than an ideal; it was a way of life in Jesus Christ.
Thanks, Robert!
Reforming the church… Reforming us all together
This post is part of a short series based on Jeremy Myer’s (from “Till He Comes“) book project “Finding Church.” Jeremy asked for contributions in the categories of Changing Church, Leaving Church, Reforming Church, and Returning to Church. As I worked through my own contribution, I realized that my story could fit into any of the categories. So, I’m writing a post based on each category.
This post describes my experience “reforming church.” This is the topic that I wrote about, and perhaps Jeremy will decide to use my submission. (This post is not my submission, but some thoughts about this topic.) This is how Jeremy describes this category: “Though many people have painful experiences in church, some people choose to stay at their church and try to work through them, reforming the church from the inside, and being the change they want to see. These are their stories.”
As usual, I have to put my own spin on this topic. As I’ve already explained in my previous two posts in this series (“changing church” and “leaving church“), church is not a building, or organization, or event, or hierarchical leadership. Church is the people of God – the body of Christ – the temple of the Holy Spirit – gathered together.
So, did I write about this topic because it is my goal to reform organizations or institutions? Absolutely not. Like I said, those things are not the church. If the organizations change to better facilitate the church (the people) involved, that’s fine. But that’s not my purpose, and it’s not the type of reform that I’m interested in.
What can of reform am I interested in? The kind of reform that Paul writes about in Ephesians 4 when he says that the entire body of Christ works together so that the body builds itself up in love – this is reforming the church. It’s the kind of reform that he also wrote about in Colossians 3 when he said that as we all teach and admonish one another as the word of Christ dwells in us all – this is reforming the church.
I’m interested in the kind of reform that Peter wrote about in 1 Peter 4 when he says that we speak to one another and serve one another in order to glorify God – this is reforming the church. I’m talking about the kind of reform that we read about in Hebrews 10 when the author exhorts his readers to consider how to stir up love and good works in one another – this is reforming the church.
This kind of reform is a mutual work as God works through each of his children to help each other grow and mature and love and hope and trust and serve and speak. This is the kind of mutual church reform I’m interested in.
Have you experienced this kind of church reform?
Preparation, Spontaneity, and the Work of the Spirit when we Gather
Eric at “A Pilgrim’s Progress” has been writing a lot of good, thought-provoking posts lately. I really enjoyed his post called “We Really Can Trust the Holy Spirit.” His post is about the work of the Holy Spirit when we are gathered together with other believers – whether it is a gathering that was planned or unplanned.
There is often disagreement among the church today about what role “preparation” and “spontaneity” should play when we gather together. Should we plan what we are going to say (i.e., “when you come together, each one has a hymn, an instruction, a revelation, a tongue, an interpretation”)? Or do we speak when the Spirit spontaneously directs us to speak (i.e., “and if the Spirit reveals something to someone sitting…”)? Both passages that I paraphrased are in the same context in 1 Corinthians 14:26-40. So, both preparation and spontaneity seem to be in view in Paul’s instructions.
This is what Eric says:
I’ve found that the Spirit tends to use our planning/preparation in the gatherings, but this may be in ways that we could not predict. For example, I plan to study over a passage of scripture tonight. I may mention it tomorrow or I may not. I really don’t know. The Spirit will make it clear to me tomorrow whether or not I should speak about it.
It is fascinating the way the Spirit frequently brings things together as Christians gather. It happens time after time in our small fellowship. One person will read a passage that relates exactly to what someone else is going through in life. We might sing a song that has a connection to what someone else is dealing with. The list goes on and on.
So, do we prepare before we gather with other believers? Sure. Do we expect and depend on the work of the Spirit when we gather together? Yes. (Although, I do think there is a problem when someone studies ONLY to have something to say when the church gathers.)
Like Eric said above, as the Spirit guides us outside of our times together, he can also guide us during our times together. We may come together with other believers expecting (and even prepared) to say something or teach something, but that may not be what God has planned. So, we trust him to know when to speak as well as what to speak.
Like Eric said, we really can trust the Holy Spirit.